Suzy’s lips tightened. ‘She’s… okay.’ My stomach dropped. Suzy was an eternal optimist, and always thought Mum was on great form even when she seemed utterly lost to me. In Suzy’s world,okaywas not good. She must have seen the worry on my face, because she hurried to reassure me before I could say anything else. ‘Don’t worry, there’s nothing wrong. She just seems a little – I don’t know. Melancholy.’ She glanced at Rose and Sam and back to me. ‘She’s been a little tetchy since you were last here actually. I don’t know what you said to her.’ She smiled to show she wasn’t telling me off, but guilt pierced me. I’d never meant to upset Mum by playing her the mixtape. I was beginning to doubt the wisdom of what I was doing here.
‘Are you sure she’ll be okay to see us all today?’ I asked.
Suzy hesitated, then nodded. ‘Yes, I think it will cheer her up.’
‘Thanks Suzy.’
‘Do you want me to go and check on her first?’
‘No, I think we’ll be fine, thank you.’
‘Great, see you later then.’
The three of us made our way to Mum’s room and when we got there I paused with my hand resting against the door. ‘Just let me see how she is,’ I whispered, and Rose and Sam both nodded. I pushed the door open and peered round the door. ‘Hello?’
No reply. I stepped inside, but couldn’t see Mum anywhere. ‘Penny?’ I said, panic rising in my voice. Had she gone wandering again? ‘Where are you?’
‘Hello?’ Her voice was muffled and I couldn’t work out where it was coming from. Then I spotted her, on her hands and knees in front of the chest of drawers, her arm stuck into the bottom drawer. I hurried over.
‘What are you doing down there?’
She looked up at me, confusion clouding her face. ‘I…’ She stopped, a tear streaking its way down her face. ‘I don’t know.’
I helped her up, closed the drawer and walked her over to her chair. She was unsteady on her feet and it struck me again how frail she’d become. She was only fifty-seven, but this disease had ravaged her physically as well as mentally. My heart broke a little bit more.
Once she was sitting down, I crouched in front of her and took her hands in mine. ‘Penny, I’ve brought some friends to see you today. Can they come in?’
She looked at me searchingly and I could tell she was trying to work out who I was talking about. Her gaze wandered over to the door and I looked round to see Sam’s face poking into the room. ‘Oh, it’s you,’ she said, and a sudden smile lit up her face, transforming her. I beckoned them both in and they leaned down and pecked Mum on the cheek in turn then sat on the bed beside her. I sat in the other armchair.
‘Hello Penny,’ Sam said.
‘Hello Sam, hello Rose, haven’t you grown,’ she replied, and my heart swelled with happiness that she remembered who they are, even if it was only momentarily. These were people she’d known since they were young teens, and if that was how she remembered them, that was fine. At least they were there, somewhere, in the mist of her mind.
‘So, how are you today Mum?’ I said, hoping it was now safe to call her that without upsetting her. ‘Suzy says you’ve been a bit grumpy.’
‘Does she?’ Her face crumpled. ‘I don’t think I have.’ She looked round the room as though searching for something. ‘Is Adam coming?’
‘No,’ I said gently, throwing Rose and Sam a look. ‘Not today.’ I swallowed to clear my throat.
‘Oh that’s a shame. I do like him.’ She turned to my friends, who were watching our exchange with interest. ‘He’s a lovely boy isn’t he, that Adam? Loves the bones off my Erin he does.’
Rose looked horrified, but Sam just leant forward and said, gently, ‘Yes, he does Penny. You’re absolutely right.’
Silence descended again. I watched Mum’s gaze roam round the room, and wondered what was going on in that muddled mind of hers. I was also trying to work out how to broach the subject of Johnny. If the music I’d played her from the mixtape had upset her so much the other day, I wasn’t sure whether I should risk playing it again. Far from helping her, as playing music was intended to do, it seemed to have left her feeling more confused than ever.
‘Have you brought some more music for me today?’ Mum said suddenly, as if reading my thoughts.
‘Oh…’ I started.
‘We have,’ Sam said, smoothly.
‘Oh good,’ Mum said, her eyes lighting up again. She turned to Sam. ‘Johnny made me a tape you know.’
‘I know.’
‘Do you?’ She smiled at him. ‘So are we going to listen to it again?’
Sam didn’t look at me, but kept his eyes trained on Mum. ‘Would you like to?’
