When they got back to their halls of residence, Greg lingered at her door for a moment longer than strictly necessary. Erin was certain he wanted to kiss her, and it would have been easy to have let him. Part of her wanted to. But a bigger part of her knew she could never do anything to risk losing Adam. And so she leaned forward, gave him a chaste hug with her face turned away, and let herself into her room, leaving him to go back to his own room, two doors down, alone.
As she drifted off to sleep that night, she tried not to think too much about the handsome young man she’d spent the evening talking to, and tried to conjure up an image of her gorgeous, sexy boyfriend, pushing away all thoughts of him with some other girl, in some other town.
7
NOW
Linkin Park: ‘Numb’
Greg was clattering about in the kitchen, and the smell of cooking wafted through the door. My mouth watered. He was trying so hard to make up for what he’d done that he’d been cooking for me every night, and doing everything he could to make me forgive him. Under normal circumstances, it would almost certainly have worked.
But right now, I was consumed with guilt; I felt as though my body was flooded with it. Because although Greg had betrayed my trust, there was no doubt that what I was doing was far, far worse. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how hurt Greg would be if he found out I’d been spending time with Adam – the man he’d always resented; the man I’d been heartbroken over for months, years, even while Greg and I had been making a go of our own fledgling relationship. Adam had been like a shadow hanging over us back then, waiting to destroy everything at any moment. That shadow had faded over the years from a deep, menacing black to a pale, wispy grey, but it had never quite gone away. And now he was back.
I needed to talk to someone who not only knew me well, but had known me when I was with Adam.
I popped my head round the kitchen door. ‘Just going for a quick shower,’ I told Greg.
He looked round, a smile on his face. ‘Okay love. Dinner will be about half an hour.’
‘Perfect thanks.’
I ran up the stairs and into the bathroom, locked the door behind me and pulled out my phone. I didn’t want the judgement I knew I’d get from Sam when I told him I’d been to see Adam again, so I rang Rose instead. She sounded harassed when she answered.
‘Can you talk?’ I said.
‘Yeah, give me a minute, I’ve just walked in.’ I listened to her huffing and puffing for a few seconds, then she was back. ‘Sorry E, I’m here. What’s up?’
‘I saw Adam.’ No point in beating about the bush.
She didn’t reply straight away. She sounded out of breath and I imagined her scrabbling to answer her phone as she ran up the stairs to her flat.
‘Did you hear me?’
‘Yes, I heard you. I was just trying to work out what to say.’
‘You’re angry with me.’
‘Of course I’m angry with you. You’re just lucky I’m not Sam.’
‘Why do you think I rang you and not him?’
I heard her laugh and I relaxed. She might be cross with me – after all, she knew how unhappy Adam had made me, and she loved Greg – but a cross Rose was fine. I could cope with that. At least she’d listen to me and not just go off on a rant.
‘So come on, tell me what happened.’
I told her about going to find Adam despite her and Sam’s warnings not to, about his accident and about how he couldn’t remember who I was, or who anyone was. And I admitted to her how he still made my heart skip a beat whenever I was near him, even though I didn’t want him to.
‘Oh Erin,’ she said. I could hear her clattering around in the kitchen, the clink of a bottle and the glug of wine being poured into a glass.
‘I know,’ I said. ‘I’m an idiot. But I can’t help it, Rosie.’
‘Don’t think you canRosieme and get my approval,’ she said, but I heard the smile in her voice. ‘So what now?’
‘He wants to see me again. Just as a friend,’ I added, before she could object.
‘But he’s not a friend. He was never a friend. You idolised him. Still do by the sounds of it.’
‘I wouldn’t say idolised is the right word.’
