“She reported us. I can’t believe she reported us.” It’s barely more than a whisper.
“She must’ve heard us in the passageway and looked out. I don’t know. But, yes. She emailed Jennifer yesterday when she said she was emailing her family. I won’t go into detail. But she’s made a long list of complaints. And it’s not good.” We stand facing each other, both too tense to sit.
“What do you mean?” I don’t want to know, really.
“Jennifer has instructed me to put you on the first plane home. I …” Ethan sputters to a stop, clearly struggling to get the words out.
All the blood drains out of my head and pools in my chest, threatening to explode my lungs. I feel faint and reach out to steady myself on the railing.
“Home?” I choke out.
“I’ve tried calling her. Emailing her. I can’t get through.”
“You’re just going to do as you’re told and send me home.” It’s a statement, not a question. Because it’s evident that’s exactly what he’s going to do.
“Believe me, I thought about ignoring it. But that’ll only make it worse in the long run. For both of us. For now, we have to suck it up.” Worse for him, maybe. I don’t know how it could get any worse for me from here.
“I have to suck it up, you mean. I have to go home. What about you?” I prop my hands on my knees and bend over, trying to drag enough oxygen into my lungs.
“I have to stay. I’m the director of the dig. If I leave, the whole thing shuts down.” His hands go up in supplication. He wants my understanding. Fuck that.
“I told you. I told you this is what would happen if they found out.” My voice is shrill, but I don’t even care.
“Sadie, I’ll fix this. Somehow.” Yeah, right. From his cushy position as Senior Professor and Man.
“You’ll fix it? How? When you’re here and I’m back in Sydney with a big black mark against my name? With people talking and gossiping about me.” All the blood that had drained to my chest is now flooding back to my burning cheeks. I’m mortified. This is exactly what I’ve tried my whole life to avoid.
“I don’t know. But I will.” There’s utter misery in his voice.
“Sure. That’s why you’re staying here and I’m going home.”
“That can’t be helped. The Cambridge boys, Garret and …” He has the good sense not to say Riley’s name because if he does, my head just might explode. She doesn’t deserve my concern or consideration. “Their credits for this dig are dependent on me. I can’t fuck up their chances. Not to mention the livelihoods of the local workers. They’re relying on the income from this dig.”
“Oh, right. But you can fuck up my chances.” He couldn’t look more shocked if I had slapped his face the way I did Riley’s.
“That’s not fair. The last thing I wanted to do was fuck up your chances. If you recall, I was the one who said we should go to Jennifer in the first place.”
Is he serious with this shit? I pull at my hair and turn in a circle; my body feels too small to contain my feelings. It takes me a minute to get enough control of my breathing to speak.
“Are you kidding? Do you think it would’ve turned out any differently if we’d told her at the start? Fucking men. You’re all the same. You don’t get what it’s like to be a woman, the one with less power. You’d think Jennifer, of all people, would understand. Apparently not.”
“Sadie, believe me.” Ethan makes a gesture of supplication towards me, and I step back, hands in the air, shaking my head. “I’ll make this right as soon as I get back to Sydney.”
So he says. But they’re only words. Empty words. Easy words. Men’s words. I heard enough of them from my father when he was leaving to know what they’re worth.
“Oh, sure. As soon as you get back. In the meantime, I’m slinking off home in disgrace. Missing out on the best experience of my life.” I stop as a thought occurs to me and pin him with a direct look. “I have to go home. Now. I’m not even going back to Amarna, am I?”
He drops his chin. Silent for a long moment. Then shakes his head.
“I won’t ever get to see my pot again.” My voice is a quivering mess, my face awash with angry, heartbroken tears. At least he has the good grace not to patronise me with talk ofone day when this is all behind us.
“Sadie …” He reaches out to me, but I jump back.
“Don’t. Just don’t.” I turn away from him and run to the stairs. “I have to go and pack,” I sob over my shoulder before rushing down the stairs. Furious with myself for allowing this to happen.
I hope Riley’s had the sense to make herself scarce. Because right now, I can’t be held responsible for my actions.
Chapter Forty-One
