I let out a long sigh. I know she’s right. But I think I’m right too. For him, it is complicated. And for me, having to work with him over the next couple of months, it’s going to be really painful.
“You’re right. I don’t want to think about it anymore. Let’s watchThe Notebookand finish this wine. I think I have ice-cream in the fridge.”
It’s late by the time we’ve finished all the chocolate, ice-cream, wine and the movie. Jessie is asleep on the sofa, so I tuck a rug around her and head to bed for hours of tossing and turning. I finally konk out just as the sky is beginning to get light.
Chapter Thirty-One
Josh
Iwakeupthemorning after the party to the mother of all hangovers.
After my text exchange with Greer, I took myself to bed with a full bottle of Belvedere, which now sits empty on the bedside table. It takes me a good fifteen minutes to drag myself up and out of bed for a long hot shower and three paracetamol.
I need to get my shit together because my liver can’t take much more of this.
The living room is littered with bodies, bottles and glasses. I’m tempted to turn around and go back to bed. But the thought of Greer hurting keeps me moving towards the coffee machine. Two cups and a plate of Vegemite toast later and I’m feeling like I might actually make it to her place without collapsing with alcohol poisoning. Thankfully, there’s no sign of Will, so I don’t need to explain why I’m up and about at this hour. Or why Lexi went home alone last night. Or why I disappeared and left them all to it at barely midnight.
There’s no way I’d be under the legal limit to drive, so I decide to walk to Greer’s. It’s a little further than I thought.
Thankfully, the fresh air and mild morning help move me further along the hangover continuum. By the time I arrive, I’m operating at maybe sixty percent capacity. Not ideal, but it will have to do.
I consider stopping for flowers or chocolates. Nah. That feels like it’s sending the wrong message. Not that I know or understand what message it is I want to send. I’m aware I’ve been giving off all kinds of mixed signals. The problem is, mixed is what I’m feeling. If she were anyone else, I’d consider giving things a go with her, despite the fact I have little to no experience with relationships.
I can’t do that with Greer because the stakes are too high. Failure is not an option. And failure seems inevitable given my track record and the DNA passed down through not one but two parents who are both unable to commit to anyone. Failing Greer would also mean failing Will. And Harry and Stella. And that’s not something I can do.
Regardless, I need her to know what really happened last night.
No matter what, I would never disrespect her with another woman. Quite apart from anything else, right now, for me, thereisno other woman. A life of celibacy is not something I’ve ever considered, but joining a monastery is starting to look quite appealing. Which brings its own set of problems, but my needs are the absolute least of my worries right now.
I don’t know why I didn’t anticipate Jessie answering the door. Based on the look on her face, she knows what’s gone on. All of it. I’m happy Greer has someone in her corner she can confide in. I wish I did. Talking to Rob was great, but he’s back to being half a world away. At least until he starts the job in Singapore.
Jess lets me into the flat with very little grace and the dirtiest of looks. If I wasn’t so heartsick, it would be comical. With silky blonde hair and light blue eyes, Jess has an almost angelic, fairy-like vibe. She can’t quite carry off threatening.
“Do you want me to stay?” Jessie asks Greer, who is still in her pyjamas and manages to make puffy red eyes and dark circles look beautiful. And fuck me if knowing I put them there doesn’t make me feel like more of a shithead than I already do.
“No. I’ll be okay.”
“Right. Well, how about I hit up the café down the road for a latte and some danishes and be back in say, fifteen minutes?” Jessie may be talking to Greer, but it’s me she’s giving the side eye.
“That sounds great. Thanks, Jess.”
I try to send a mind message that she doesn’t need to worry, but I’m not sure if it’s received. Either way, I get one last glare before she closes the door quietly behind her.
Greer lets out a long sigh. “Why are you here, Josh?”
“I wanted to explain. About last night.”
She curls up in the corner of the couch where not so long ago, we sat watching trashy movies and eating stir-fry. There’s a long silence. “The floor’s all yours.” Those elegant brows arch as she pulls a blue velvet cushion onto her lap like a shield.
Fuck. I don’t know where to start.
“Nothing happened with Lexi. I would never disrespect you by hooking up with someone right in your face.”
“Oh, well. That’s good to know. Only when I’m not around then?”
“No. No, that’s not what I meant. Shit.” Time to get the honesty box out for real. “Look, I meant what I said. Before. Nothing else can ever happen between us. That doesn’t mean I don’t wish it was different. I’ll never be relationship material. If you were anyone else, I’d give it a go, but I can’t risk hurting you. Because what hurts you hurts Will and Harry and Stella, and I don’t know what I’d do if I lost them. Not to mention they’d probably string me up by my balls if they knew what we’ve already done.”
“So you’ve said. Repeatedly.” Her face reminds me of the bust of Nefertiti. Cool. Composed. Inscrutable. Despite the puffy eyes.
