Why is it the only woman I’ve ever felt something real for is the only woman on the planet I can’t have? Up until recently, a life on my own didn’t seem so bad. Now I know what it feels like to have someone wholly on your side, supporting and believing in you, I can see how shallow and empty my life has been.
Two years down the track, Rebecca’s words are coming back to haunt me. She was right. She was a nice girl. Smart. Funny. Pretty. But I felt nothing more than mild affection for her. I wish I could say the same now. Because what I’m feeling for Greer is something I’ve never felt before. I can’t see an end to it. And it’s threatening to overwhelm me.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Greer
OnTuesdaymorning,Iarrive at work with a sore head. It was a late night out with Josh and his friend Rob. I had a lot of fun. Rob is a terrible flirt and it was nice to feel his charm turned on me, even if we both knew it was nothing more than a bit of a laugh. Josh barely spoke to me all night, which stung a little. But occasionally, I would catch him looking at me in a way that went straight to my knickers, which almost made up for it.
The mixed messages I’m getting from Josh are giving me whiplash. On the weekend it was all hot—so, so hot—and heavy. By Monday, we were back to arm’s length.
Jessie calls midmorning while I’m trying to dial down my hangover with a second dose of Berocca.
“What the hell was that last night?” she starts, without even a hello.
I don’t bother to play dumb. I don’t have the energy.
“Hello to you too. Shouldn’t you be in class enriching the minds of the leaders of the future?”
“The little heathens are at sport right now. Thank God. My head is pounding.”
“Mine too. Please don’t get all up in my face about Josh. I don’t have the strength today,” I moan, taking a tentative sip of the fizzy orange liquid. I don’t need it making another appearance here in the office kitchen.
Jess sighs.
“Alright. All I will say is you need to take him at his word, Greer. He’s told you how it’s gonna be. Start believing it. Before you get hurt any more than you already are.” And without another word, she hangs up.
I know she’s pissed at me. And part of me thinks she’s right. But she hasn’t seen the sides of Josh I have.
Luckily, I’m flat out busy at work these days. I hardly have time to think about Josh and his insistence we’re going nowhere. Well, not more than once or twice an hour at least.
Between getting up to speed on all the projects I’ve been handed, dealing with the snide remarks of Mean One to Three, and keeping an eye on things with Dave and Matt, I hardly have time to scratch myself.
Josh and I communicate about the house via text and email, which is weirdly comforting and painful at the same time. On the positive side, things are steaming ahead with the build. Matt seems to have inherited Dave’s ability to pull off miracles, and I couldn’t be happier with the progress.
I know Josh is moving in with Will on Saturday. They’re having a welcome party. I consider not going, but the last thing I need right now is an interrogation on my whereabouts from a high-powered lawyer. Even if he is my oldest brother.
Late Friday night, I get the call I’ve been expecting for months. Maybe years.
“Gee, we’re getting married,” Jessie squeals down the phone line at me. I can hear Ethan laughing in the background.
“Tone it down, Jess, you’ll pierce her eardrums.”
I can hardly talk through my tears as I congratulate them, and Jessie and I start to talk about wedding details. Like all that hasn’t been nutted out ages ago. Jess sends me a picture of the ring, which Ethan chose himself and I have to laugh. It’s gorgeous and very practical. Bezel set and quite flat. So Jessie can wear it at school without worrying about it catching on anything. Typical Ethan.
“Okay, first things first. What about an engagement party?”
I agree to meet with Jessie and both our mothers tomorrow to start the planning and then hang up so they can call anyone else they need to tell.
I’m thrilled for Jess. I’m thrilled for me. Because, at last, I’ll officially have the sister I’ve always wanted.
That said, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit my heart feels tender to the touch. I’m trying to stay positive about Josh and believe he’ll eventually come around to my way of thinking, but every day that goes by chips at my conviction.
The trouble is, I can’t seem to let go. And since I’ve had a taste of what things can be like with Josh, physically at least, I don’t think I could ever go back to something less …well, less. It would be like switching to vegan cheese when you’ve had the best, creamiest, yummiest French brie.
Josh is right when he says I’m the white picket fence type. I totally am. And the babies. I want the babies. Although not for a few years yet. Which leaves me needing to rethink my position. Do I take him at his word or follow my instincts, which tell me not to give up hope? Not yet. Because I won’t settle for second best. Maybe in the future I’ll feel different. Right now, though, I can’t imagine being with anyone else.
But Jessie is my best friend, and she deserves the best of me. So, I put those feelings in a box and close the lid, preparing to be the best sister and maid of honour a girl could ask for. And one day soon, I hope, the best auntie any kids could want.
