I have no idea if that means he’s going to wait on me, but I don’t care. All I care about right now is figuring out how to get Olive to forgive me. Now might be a good time to reach out to my sisters.
Me: I need some advice…
Lori: Oh, yes, please. Tell me this has to do with Olive. Pamela told me that Olive isn’t just your friend. Which I’m over the moon about.
Pamela: What Lori said.
Me: Well…good news and bad news. Pamela is right. We’re not just friends. But at this point, we might not be anything if I don’t fix my fuckup. How long should I wait until I try to talk to Olive so I can apologize?
Pamela: How big of a fuckup?
I cringe before I answer.
Me: Big enough.
Lori: *Eye-roll emoji*
Pamela: I second that.
Lori: But to answer your question, I would give her a little bit of time. Let things cool off. BUT! The most important thing is don’t give it too much time.
I sigh.
Me: So give it time, but not too much. Great. Super clear.
Pamela: Okay, smartass. Give it a day.
Lori: Yep, then you grovel.
Pamela: Lots of groveling.
Me: Got it.
Pamela: Nathaniel…keep in mind what that woman is going through. She deserves a little bit of grace, given her situation. Be gentle, or she’s more than likely going to run out of self-preservation.
My eyes rise to the closed door.
But my sisters are right. I’m not going to do it today. If her being at this meeting is any indication, she’s struggling. Hopefully, this meeting and time will help her, and we can work together to figure out our path forward.
Because, as crazy as it sounds, I don’t want to imagine my life without Olive in it.
32
Olive
Istep back onto the sidewalk, saying goodbye to a few members I chatted with after the meeting. This has been one of the best meetings I’ve ever been to. After I shared Benny’s story and admitted my feelings to a group of strangers, that I can barely admit to myself at times, every single one of them was sympathetic. Others acknowledged that they’ve shared similar feelings as they navigated the journey of their loved one’s struggles with sobriety. It accomplished what these meetings are meant to do—remind each of us that, no matter how isolating it feels in the moment, we’re never alone when we reach out for support.
I’m still heartbroken about Nate, but this was precisely what I needed.
The walk back to the hotel is slow. I’m in no hurry and am enjoying being outside. If I had money, I would probablygo sit at a restaurant somewhere and get a great meal with a glass of wine and people-watch for the rest of the afternoon.
Heaving a sigh, I continue my stroll down the sidewalk. I’m glad it isn’t rainy today. I need the sunshine. I need the warmth. It helps remind me that I’m alive and well, regardless of anything else happening around me.
I get back up to my room and stare out the window, gathering my thoughts. Feeling better after that meeting certainly doesn’t fix my problems, but it helps settle the imbalance plaguing my system to make it more manageable. I can think clearer now.
I don’t even look at my phone when I answer it. “Hello?”
“Oli,” Marcus drawls out, causing the anxiety that slipped away over the last few hours to explode back to the surface.
