I nodded. “Zat must be painful. To have someone you love taken from you. Wizout the chance to make zings right again.”
He gulped and looked out the window, swallowing back the emotions threatening to engulf him. “It is.” He took several deep breaths and then started.
“Nick and I grew up together. We lived on the same block and were always in and out of each other's houses. We played ball together in the vacant lot on the corner, swam at the community pool in the summer, washed cars together for money, and then spent that money at the local grocery store on candy and sodas. We sat next to each other in school and were always getting in trouble for talking and horsing around. We were like brothers, never one without the other. My gramma used to call us two peas in pod.”
I nodded, to show I was understanding.
“Then, in our senior year in high school, a new girl moved into the neighborhood. Valentina. She was gorgeous. All the guys were drooling over her, but she went out with me. We were together the whole year, going to all the dances together, dating and stuff. We were each other’s firsts. I just knew that she and I were going to be together always. I was so in love with her I couldn’t picture not being with her. I was seriously considering throwing away my college scholarship so that we could stay together and not have to try to do long distance stuff.”
Jack took a ragged breath and paused. I didn’t interrupt, giving him time to gather his thoughts.
“But it turned out that I didn’t need to worry about that. I caught her having sex with Nick in the back of his car. I found out that almost the whole time she’d been with me she was seeing Nick behind my back. I broke up with both of them and left town the day after graduation.”
I saw the pain in his eyes and nodded. “I am so sorry.”
“I haven’t seen either of them for 5 years. Then I get a call from Valentina. She tells me that she and Nick had gotten married and that recently he’d had a bad fall (he was working as a roofer) and he’d died, and she wanted me to come to the memorial service.
“And, honestly, I didn’t know what to do. I’ve got all these mixed feelings. Like, screw you, you deserve what you got, you lying, cheating, skank. But also, all these memories of good times. Good times with Nick and with Valentina. So, I got on a plane. But I don’t know if I’m going to be able to make myself go.”
My heart went out to the man. He was obviously hurting. At that moment he wasn’t a pop star, he was a man in pain. I reached out and touched his forearm. “I am so sorry. It is a truly difficult position to be in. You want to honor your good memories of your friend and what you shared. But ze hurt and betrayal get in ze way.”
He nodded, slowly. “That’s exactly it. And I don’t see how to do that, to get beyond the betrayal.”
I took a breath, searching for the right words. “It is both simple and almost impossible.”
He looked up at me, a flicker of hope in his eyes. “How?”
“You must forgive zem.”
Anger flared in his face. “Forgive them? Why? I don’t think either of them deserve it. Certainly, neither of them ever apologized or asked for forgiveness!”
I nodded. I knew how this felt. Boy did I ever. But I knew the truth of what I had to say, so I plowed on.
“Zis forgiveness, it is not for zem. It is for you. Ze hurt and bitterness inside, it eats you up. Like swallowing acid. When you forgive zem, you release zat. It frees you. It does not change zem or what zey did, but it changes you and allows you to move on wizout pain.”
He swallowed and looked back down. I patted his arm again and then picked up my magazine. “Zink on it. When you have more questions, I am here.”
For the next hour I sat quietly, flipping through my magazine, giving my companion furtive side glances. He stayed in the same hunched pose, hands clasped. Finally, he gave a long shuddering sigh and sat straight.
“I think you’re right. I need to forgive them. I just don’t know how. Is that something I just walk up to Valentina and say?”
“Non, she has not asked for your forgiveness. You need to do zis in private wiz yourself. Picture each of zem in your mind. Picture ze good times. Zen picture ze betrayal. Scoop up all ze pain in your arms and srow it into ze sky. Release it. And say to zem, ‘I forgive you.’”
He nodded and lowered his head again, eyes closed. Occasionally flicking glances at him I could see tears running down his face. After twenty minutes or so, he opened his eyes and looked at me.
“Better?” I asked.
“I think so. Thank you.” He wiped the tears off his face. “By the way, I’m Jack.” He held out a hand for me. I took it and gave a brief, firm shake.
“And I am Eve. It is a pleasure to meet you, Jack.”
“Again, thank you for listening, Eve. It was really nice to have you listen and give advice. Is this what you do professionally?”
I laughed a bit and said, “Non, I work wiz a hotel chain. I just have some experience in zis area.”
Jack gave me a serious look. “Is it something you need to talk about? Cause I’m here.”
“Ah, non, that is in the past, all dealt with. But sank you for ze offer, Jack.”
