“An excellent idea,” Mrs. Lenning said, joining her.
There was something in the way the two ladies glanced at each other that made him uneasy. He did not have time to ponder it as Miss Prudence insisted they hurry before the big fluffy flakes stopped falling.
Outside, the chill in the air turned their breath into miniature clouds. Miss Prudence giggled and began experimenting, letting out short and long breaths to see them rise. After much cajoling, Grace joined her.
Alan watched the sisters, smiling as they attempted to blow air toward each other like some sort of cloud fight. For just a moment, he wondered if Emma would have had this sort of relationship had one of their mother’s lost babies survived.
“You look pensive, Lord Gladsby.” Grace gave one more puff of air toward her sister then paused. “Nothing too troubling, I hope.”
Miss Prudence lost interest in the breath clouds and began catching large white flakes in her mouth.
He cast Grace a reassuring smile. “Not at all. I was simply admiring the closeness you seem to share with your sister.”
She approached his side, and they slowly followed Miss Prudence as she chased flakes. “It is a joy and a challenge.”
“How so?”
“There are many opportunities to grow close, but when you are constantly in proximity with someone with a vastly different temperament, it can be agitating. Pru loves people and cannot see how anyone would not want to be in company with others all the time. I, on the other hand, need solitude, something hard to acquire when sharing a house, let alone a room, with such a vivacious person.”
“That is understandable. The first time I was required to share quarters was when I ran off to join the Royal Army. If I had been smart about it, I’d have bought myself a commission as an officer, but I was headstrong and impetuous and therefore had to share sleeping quarters with the other enlisted men. It was a difficult adjustment, and I often wanted to shove wads of dirty stockings in men’s mouths.”
She giggled. “So youdounderstand.” Opening her mouth, she let a flake glide gently in, the white of it disappearing as it landed on her tongue. “What was it like?”
He blinked a few times, realizing his attention had been on her mouth instead of her words. “Pardon?”
“The army, what was it like?”
“Mostly dirty and smelly. That happens when you put a large number of men together in inadequate living conditions. I knew it would not be easy when I left, but I greatly underestimated the difficulty.”
She tipped her head to the side. “And why did you… leave, that is? You were in line for a barony.” Her eyes widened. “I do apologize, that was terribly forward of me. Prudence must be wearing me down.”
He placed a gentle hand on her arm, the need to touch her growing too great to resist. “Do not apologize. I believe we have known each other long enough that we need not skirt the hard questions.”
She relaxed, and he dropped his hand. “You have always seemed tense whenever your time in the military is mentioned. I do not wish to make you revisit memories you would rather forget.”
“I can never get away from the memories. They will haunt me for the rest of my life, whether I speak of them or not.”
Stepping close, she wrapped her hand around his elbow, and they walked again in silence, Prudence having out distanced them by several lengths. Instead of being uncomfortable with the quiet, it soothed his aching mind, her closeness providing a soft place for the hard memories to land.
“I went to war because I was angry with my father.”
“About what?”
“You know, I do not rightly remember the exact reason. It was more a group of irritations that made me want to defy him in a way that would hurt him as much as I had been. At the time, he had shown interest in a young widow in our parish, and I, not wanting to let go of my mother’s memory, made my grievances known. And while I would like to think my reasons were justified, they were paltry compared to my father’s reasonsfor the union. That was just one of many upsets, though. I wanted him to invest in high gains ventures, but he wanted to play it safe. I tried to convince him to let me go on a grand tour, but he insisted the mainland was not safe enough. I wanted to join the military to change the world and bring glory and honor to England. He forbade me from doing so, saying I could change the world one honest deal at a time. I did not believe him, so I left.”
Miss Prudence stopped when they reached the stables, petting his stallion, Apollo, when he nuzzled at her hand—no doubt looking for a treat. Alan did not want what he had to say to be overheard, so he pulled Grace to a stop and faced her.
Her hand fell away from his arm and she tipped her head, the picture of patience as she waited for him to speak.
Alan looked away, unable to face the confession head on. “He was right, you know. War changes few things in the world for good, but food baskets to a starving family, jobs for those who need them, and an honest and well-run estate can change the fortunes of many.”
“But wherever there are bad men, there must be good to rise up against them,” she said.
“Yes, but in the heat of war, the lines get blurred. I have seen decent men become savages. I will not burden you with the atrocities, but they are enough to make a grown man cry.”
And he had, many times. More than once, he’d wondered what his life would be like if he had simply listened to his father. There would be much less regret, that was certain. And perhaps if he had not gone, Harvey would still be alive.
Thoughts of his best friend made him fall back. They had run off together; Alan having convinced him it would be the greatest lark they would ever experience. It had not been hard. Harvey had always wanted to be a soldier, but he had planned to buy in like any other sensible gentleman would have done.
