A week postpartum, and I’m in awe of this woman, especially as she effortlessly takes Cash from my arms and latches him on.
She’s breathtaking.
She walks to the rocking chair that once belonged to her mother. Each sister used it, and now, it’s her turn.
This is what every baby should have. Parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts, all who grew up in loved homes.
In homes where children,their children, are wanted, loved, and cherished, not just tolerated.
What a joy it is to witness it first hand, and it puts me even more at peace with my decision to go no contact with my parents.
Cash will never know the feeling that became my normal all my life, and I’m fine with that. I rather be a great dad and husband, not a son who searches validation from people who don’t deserve it.
I know what I have to do.
I know what Iwantto do.
The only sounds are Cash’s little grunts as he feeds and my heart thumping loud in my chest. I get the undeniable urge tojust tell her my plans, but I don’t, not until I can figure out if I can pull it off. I need to find a way of living here, with them, surrounded by this joy—even if I have to find a different passion at work.
So many things can fulfill my career, but nothing compares to the feeling of belonging I have here.
“What?” Hailey asks looking up at me, a grin spreading across her face to match mine.
My fingers brush across her hair as I dip to kiss the top of her head. I linger longer than usual and take it all in.
Yup, no doubt in my mind.
This is where I belong. Maybe if I’m here, I can take some of the load off Hailey’s shoulders.
Months ago, I knew they were my peace, but this is the reminder I needed.
They’re my life.
10
NEW YEAR’S EVE 2031
New Years Day by Taylor Swift & Make You Feel My Love by Glee Cast
Hailey
“Sh,sh, sh, it’s okay. Daddy’s coming.” I kiss the top of Cash’s head and look at the clock.
Same time as last time.
Of course, Hailey. You just looked at it ten seconds ago.
He said he would be here and that he had a surprise for me. I don’t care about surprises; I just want to see him. Long distance relationships are one thing, but raising a baby while missing the love of my life is for the birds.
I miss him and I want him.
I glance at the open door and tuck hair behind my ear, not dragging my lip to my mouth like I would’ve before. It’s incredible how much you start healing when you quit a soul sucking job, even if, once upon a time, it filled your soul.
No more lip biting, nail scratching, random ass pacing in the middle of the day.
Quitting and therapy.
Boundaries and replaced behaviors.
