I want this—her here, them here—more than I want anything else. Would I be good at this? I have zero experience with decent parents. Is there a genetic marker for it? Am I doomed before I even start? I love this baby and this woman so much; I just want to do right by them. I caress her belly, and she relaxes against me more.
Give me a sign, little one.
Almost as if I conjured it into existence, our baby kicks. Hard.
I tense, but Hailey softly giggles. “He’s usually not this active at night, so he likes you.”
He kicks again, and my heart heals a little more. Hailey being here, in my arms, with our baby moving for me to feel him, I know my heart never knew love until this.
Until her.
I will do everything in my power to make sure she knows that, to make sure she knows how much I love her and what I’m willing to do for them. For our little growing family.
“I like him too,” I whisper, my face buried in her hair. It’s right here I know I’ve found peace. And for once, I close my eyes without fear as I fall asleep.
9
SEPTEMBER 2031
Yellow by Kina Grannis
Asher
“Doyou want me to take him?” Damien, Hailey’s brother, asks, and I shake my head. He hands me a beer, the bottle cooling my hands, and sits across from me.
“You’ve been holding him for hours. If my mom sees, she’ll say you’ll spoil him.” We clink our bottles and stay in comfortable silence. I’ve been here for a week now, but I need to go back soon. In two days, to be exact. I don’t know how I’m supposed to go back to the cold and leave the warmth that is being with her family.
Hailey is like the glue of her family. I’ve deduced that fact through the years getting to know her, but nothing could’ve prepared me to see it in action. Everyone sticks to her like the sausage gravy her dad made that went cold. They’re one big unit with plenty of things that make them unique, but like vines, their lives intertwine.
It’s beautiful to watch and incredibly heart wrenching. It’s unfortunate so many children grow up with no clue that love like this can exist. It’s unfortunate I didn’t know these types of families existed beyond movies.
Until now.
I’m so glad she didn’t stay in Alaska. I’m so glad she knew her heart and body needed to be here, near her family. I’ve missed her so much, I would’ve been selfish and ask her to stay if I didn’t know this is what’s best for her.For them.
“Love doesn’t spoil a child.” My reply is sharp; I’m so overwhelmed with emotion, I don’t know what else to do. In two days, I have to say goodbye to Cash, this sweet baby who keeps waking us up every ten minutes.
Goodbye to quiet breakfasts with him latched to his mom’s breast.
Goodbye to laughter and warm meals brought by Hailey’s siblings or parents, dad jokes from her father while we were in the hospital for the never-ending labor. I have to ask her why she never told me she had a built-in dad joke factory right at her house when I was trying so hard to make her smile with mine.
“I know we don’t know each other well, but are you okay?” Damian wipes the sweat off his forehead, and I smile bittersweetly.
The soft groan from the little bundle of joy getting restless in my arms suddenly makes everything clear. I know what I need to do. The thought settles as I watch a cardinal flying through the bright green grass, landing quietly on the paved porch.
I nod. “Yeah, I’m just in love.”
His laughter could go a mile as his smile reaches his eyes. “We are all well aware how in love with Hailey you are.”
I’m glad they can tell, because I don’t want them to have any doubts how I feel about their sister.
How do I tell him I'm in love with this whole thing, though? With the way this family operates, the way this baby is filling holes in my heart I didn’t know existed. With the idea of having a family like this one day, so full of love, companionship, and laughter. I want this.
“I’m glad.” They’re the only words I’m able to say when Cash’s broken cry breaks free. “That’s my cue.” Damien nods, and I rest the untouched beer on the table and head to find this kid’s nipples.
I knock on the door, careful not to startle him and clutching him close to my chest.I’ve got you buddy. Always.
“Come in!” Hailey announces. “There he is. I was wondering where you’d taken him.”
