Once the water was at the right temperature, I stepped inside. I put my head down and cried more as the water cascaded down my back.
My shoulders shook as I sobbed. Everything felt wrong in my life, and I needed to get it back on track. Before the day was over, I needed to have a conversation with my brother. I needed him to be okay with Coye and me before I talked to Coye.
After a few minutes had passed, I got my emotions in check enough to wash up. I rinsed my body, shut the water off, grabbed my towel, and got out of the shower.
I moved in slow motion as I dried off, moisturized, then pulled my black dress over my head.
Even though it was still raining, I decided to wear my shades to cover my eyes. Once I was dressed, I went downstairs.
“I thought you were bringing my stuff up.” I teased Sophie when I made it to the kitchen.
“I figured I’d let you get yourself together first.”
I walked over and sat down at the table.
“Morning, Lil.”
“Morning, River.” Lily squeezed my shoulder and sat across from me.
As Sophie put the fruit on the table, my mom entered the kitchen. She wore a black pantsuit with a black hat that almost covered her face.
“Good morning, girls.”
We all spoke back as she went to the counter to make herself a cup of coffee. We all sat in silence as we ate fruit and sipped tea and coffee. Someone had dropped off pastries, so Lily and Sophie ate a couple of Danishes.
Once we were done, we left the house and got into the limo that would take us to the church. My brother and his family would meet us there.
A while later, my mother, my friends, my brother, and his family all sat in the front pew of the church. To the right of us was Coye and his mother, along with some of my father’s relatives. It was people I hadn’t seen in a long time, and I wasn’t looking forward to talking to any of them.
The church was packed with people who either worked with my dad or went to the schools he worked for. For over thirty years, my dad drove school buses, so he was well known around the town.
I peeked at Coye multiple times throughout the service, and I caught him looking at me. I missed him, but I needed a little more time.
Tears fell as I listened to the pastor give his sermon, then multiple people from my dad’s life spoke on how good a person he was.
My mom held one hand, while Lily held the other. Sophie sat on the other side of Lily, but she had her arm stretched over Sophie, on my knee. I felt their love and strength, but I reallywished I could have been in Coye’s arms. They always made me feel so comfortable and protected. I glanced at him again, and heat flooded me when he winked at me. I shouldn’t have been thinking about him like that at my daddy’s funeral, but I couldn’t help myself.
When it was over, I fake-smiled and had unnecessary conversations with too many people that I cared to not talk to.
Coye and his mom stayed around, talking to people as well. Every so often, Coye’s eyes would meet mine, no matter where he was in the room.
My heart ached at not being able to talk to him. He looked good in a black suit. I spotted him when he first entered the church. Dark, expensive-looking shades covered his face. He kept his jewelry minimum with just a gold watch and a gold bracelet. Instead of his thick chain, he had on a much thinner one with an iced-out cross. I realized how much I anticipated his arrival.
Tearing my gaze off Coye, I looked around the room until my eyes landed on my brother as he sat in a corner alone.
I made my way over to him and sat down. A minute or two passed before either of us spoke.
“I.” We spoke at the same time.
“You go first,” my brother suggested.
I inhaled and looked around the room. Two big pictures of my father were in front of the room. One from when he was a child, and the other one was taken a year ago.
“I’m sorry about not telling you about Coye. Everything just happened, and I knew you would be upset. He makes me happy, J.”
My brother looked me in my eyes for a few seconds. “I told my friends that you were off-limits, but I see my best friend didn’t listen.” He let out a humorless chuckle. “I’m not evennecessarily mad that it happened, more so that y’all chose to keep it from me.”
“It’s not his fault, J.” I rubbed his arm. “It was me who told him not to say anything. He wanted to multiple times, but I shut it down each time. For that, I’m sorry.”
