“I’m going to go. Can someone let me know about funeral arrangements?” I told no one in particular.
“Nah, you ain’t invited,” Jordan spat.
I ignored him and kissed my mother’s cheek since she was the closest one to me. I left the apartment with a headache and a heavy heart.
When I got in the car, I sent River a message.
Me:
Call me later if you need me. I’m not going anywhere.
She didn’t respond, but I saw that she read the message. I wouldn’t worry about it. I just wanted to remind her that I wasn’t going anywhere. My mind was fucked up, so instead of going back to work, I headed home.
As I drove home, tears streamed down my face. Even though we knew Pops wouldn’t be around too long, it still hurt that he was gone. Shit wouldn’t be the same without him.
When I got home, I drank a shot of whiskey, showered, and got in bed. I wanted to drink more, but I wanted to be alert ifRiver called or came by. The upcoming days and weeks would be the hardest, but I would be the shoulder she needed.
I wokeup in my childhood bedroom with a headache as tears streaked down my cheeks. The rain and thunder coincided with the pain in my heart. It was the day of my father’s memorial service, and I wasn’t prepared for it.
For hours, I tossed and turned until my mom made me drink some chamomile tea along with taking some melatonin.
So many things ran through my mind as I stared at the ceiling. My brother was mad after finding out about Coye and me, and my daddy was officially gone.
I hadn’t talked to my brother in days, and that bothered me just as much as me not talking to Coye. I read Coye’s message after he and my brother damn near fought, but I never responded. I couldn’t respond. My emotions were all over theplace. I blamed myself for ruining Jordan’s relationship with Coye. If we had talked to him when Coye mentioned it, we wouldn’t be in this predicament. I wasn’t sure if Coye would even show up for the service after my brother told him not to.
I stretched my arms, then sat on the side of the bed. I looked out the window as heavy raindrops fell. Of course, it would rain.
I swiped at the tears on my face and turned my head when I heard soft knocks on the door.
“River, are you awake?” Sophie asked as she slightly opened the door.
“I’m up.”
I slid my feet into my slippers as she came fully inside.
“Hey, love.” She came over and sat on the bed.
She and Lily stayed the night, and I remembered them being in the room with me for a while. They stayed up with me as long as they could, comforting me and crying with me as we reminisced about my dad. They also encouraged me to reach out to Coye when I was ready. Both of them felt Coye was good for me, and they knew my brother would get over it once he calmed down.
“Hey. Where’s Lil?”
“She’s in the shower. Do you want some breakfast?”
I shook my head. My stomach was in knots, and I didn’t think eating would be a good idea.
“What about at least some fruit? Please?” She gave me her puppy dog eyes. “I can make you some peppermint tea, too.”
“Okay. Just some strawberries, grapes, and a banana for the protein.”
Sophie giggled and bumped her shoulders against mine. “Of course you’ll get grapes.”
My lips lifted into a slight smile. I appreciated my friends for always being there for me. I was always there for them as well in their time of need. That was what we did for each other.
“I’ll bring it up to you in a little bit.” She rubbed her hand over my knee. “We’ll get through today, together. Me on the left, Lily on the right.” She squeezed my knee again, then left the room.
When she closed the door, I got down on my knees and talked to God. I talked to him often, but in this moment, I poured my heart out. I asked him to give me the strength to get through the day, and I also asked him to take care of my dad for me. My heart was still heavy by the time I was done, but I felt a tiny bit stronger.
I got up from the floor and headed to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and winced at my hair all over the place and the puffiness in my eyes. I turned on the shower and brushed my hair into a bun while I waited for the water to get hot.
