My chest tightened as more tears slid down my face.
“I don’t want to lose you, Daddy.” I cried and put my head down on his chest.
My father rubbed my back as I cried. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without you.”
“Babygirl, look at me. I can’t fight this anymore. I don’t want to continue to suffer, and I don’t want you all to see me suffer. I’m at peace with how my life turned out. My kids are happy, and your mother is happy. That’s all I could ever ask for. I’ve done things in this life that weren’t great, but the good things outweighed all of that. I’ll be able to see my parents and my sister when I make it to Heaven.” He continued rubbing my back and my head.
My dad had an older sister who died six months before all of this happened. They weren’t that close, but he still loved his sister and was hurt by it.
Sometimes it felt like it was one thing after another.
For a long time, I kept my head down as I cried. I wanted to be strong, but how could I when my favorite guy was leaving me? What was I going to do without him? Whenever I was in a jam, my daddy was the one who got me out of it. How was I going to function when I couldn’t call him just to hear his voice, or talk about the crazy shit in the news?
“Remember that time we went to eat, and we had that terrible waiter? And he had the nerve to pick up the empty plate, talking ’bout ‘Pasta,’ like he was giving us food?” I recalled the memory, trying to lighten the mood.
“Yeah, I remember. His ass ain’t get no tip either,” my father added with a chuckle.
“Sure didn’t. The dude who brought out the food was the one who got the money because he deserved it.”
We reminisced over the next few hours. My chest felt heavy, and my eyes were full of tears, but I enjoyed the moments withmy father. When I felt his hand slip out of mine, and his breath even out, I knew he was tired.
“I’m going to be okay, Daddy. I love you, and you can rest now,” I whispered, then kissed his cheek.
Coye jumped up as soon as I walked out of my father’s room, and I fell into his arms. I wasn’t sure where Kristin went, but I knew she hadn’t gone far. From what I knew, she still had a couple of hours left on her shift.
“I got you.” Coye put his arm around my shoulders and walked me outside.
Kristin was outside, so once Coye helped me into the car, he went to talk to her for a minute, then came back to the car.
I was emotionally and physically drained. I wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and pretend that none of this was happening, but I knew I couldn’t. I needed to talk to my mom and brother so they could see my dad. I also needed to prepare myself for the inevitable.
SeeingRiver so hurt and sad really fucked with me. I knew that sooner rather than later, it would get worse. Pops wasn’t doing well at all. I wanted to see him, but I knew River needed those moments with him alone. Once I got her settled, I would go back by there and talk to him myself. I wanted to be able to say my goodbyes before it was too late.
“I think we should tell your brother about us,” I suggested once we were driving down the street.
River’s head snapped over to me so fast, it looked like it hurt.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” There was venom in her tone, and I knew shit was about to get bad. “My father is dying, and you want to talk about a damn relationship.”
“I just don’t want him to be caught off guard.”
“Do you give a fuck about how I feel?” Her voice rose as her nostrils flared.
I turned to look at her because she couldn’t have asked a dumb ass question like that.
“Don’t do that, River. You know damn well I care about how you feel.”
She sucked her teeth. “Shit, I can’t tell.” She angrily swiped tears from her face. “Just take me home because I don’t have the mental capacity to talk about this right now.”
I felt like shit because maybe I should have waited, but there was so much going on that he would find out soon. I couldn’t do anything but respect her wishes, so I drove to her house. We were close, so it didn’t take long for us to get there. When I parked in front of her building, I turned to face her.
“Call me if you need me for anything.” I leaned over and kissed her temple.
I knew she was heated, so I didn’t want to say anything else to piss her off even more.
“Okay.” She didn’t even wait for me to open the door for her.
I watched as she walked to her front door, then let herself inside. I waited a few seconds, then pulled off. I knew River would probably call her brother and mom, so I wanted to see Pops before they went over there.
