“A few minutes ago, I told ye that I’m marrying ye. I didna ask if that’s what ye want, and I should have. But I still mean ma intentions. I want to marry ye, Greer. I only have sisters, and Uncle Alex only had lasses. But Blake already has a son. He’s Uncle Magnus’s auldest son. Uncle Tavish is aulder than Uncle Magnus, and he has two lads. Tate and Wiley may have sons one day too. I dinna have to have an heir, Greer. If ye dinna want me to see ye, touch ye, like that, then we can have a marriage in name only.”
Greer’s chin fell forward as she tried to weed through the brief family tree and understand what Thor told her.
“Ye wish to marry me, but ye dinna really want me as yer wife?”
“That isnae what I said. I said, ifyedinna want me to see ye or touch ye, that wouldnae stop me from making ye ma wife. I will never force ye to do aught intimate with me. I wouldnae regardless of yer past, but I will nae expect aught from ye.”
“Ye’d marry me, and then what? Be miserable? Sinclairs dinna have lemans. Never. Ye would never touch another woman once we wed. If I turned ye away, ye would live the rest of yer life as a monk.”
“I hope ye’d grow comfortable enough for us to share a chamber and a bed. I’d like to hold ye while we sleep just as ye let me hold ye while we sat together. But if that isnae what ye want, but ye’d spend yer time with me when our duties dinna keep us apart, then, aye. If ye’d help me lead our clan one day and be ma confidante like ye once were, then, aye.”
“Is this really aboot me?”
“Wee one, there isnae another woman alive who I could desire as much as I do ye. I’ve chastised maself so many times for still wanting ye in ma bed when I ken something like this happened to ye. For wanting ye when I was so certain ye were ma enemy. For loving ma enemy. I want ye, Greer. I will always want ye. But if that isnae what ye can give, then I willna forsake ye over it.”
“Thor, I desire ye too. I always have, and naught has changed that. But, truthfully, I dinna ken if I can. I dinna ken if I can share a bed with ye and be intimate without remembering all the times I was forced. I dinna ken if I can couple with ye and enjoy the act. I dinna want to reject ye, but I’m scared I’ll panic and scream. I dinna want anyone to think ye’re hurting me. And I never want to humiliate ye by people thinking ye have to force me or that I’m rejecting ye.”
“Nay one would ever believe I’m forcing ye. But I dinna want to embarrass ye in front of anyone.”
Greer’s shoulders drooped. “If I married ye, I dinna want a marriage in name only. But I fear I’m too broken to be the wife ye deserve.” Her brow furrowed as she swallowed and looked at the rushes covering the floor. Then she met his gaze again. “I dinna ken how ye arenae disgusted with me. I dinna understand how ye could want me after so many—”
“Wee one, I will never be dismissive aboot yer past. I will never pretend like it didna happen. But, if we’re nae keeping aught to ourselves, then I will put it this way. I dinna give a fuck who’s touched ye in the past as long as I’m the only one who ever touches ye again. If that’s burying maself in ye every night for the rest of our lives or holding yer hand until I breathe ma last, I want ye to be mine as much as I want to be yers.”
“Most men—”
“Arenae Sinclairs. I dinna lie, Greer, and ye ken that. If I pledge maself to ye in front of a priest—just like we planned—then it’s absolute. I would never marry ye under false pretenses, and I wouldnae marry ye if I couldnae love ye as ma wife. If ye will marry me, then I’d have us set the date the Monday after they read the banns the third time. I would have them read the first time tomorrow.”
“Ye say ye dinna need an heir, but yer family isnae going to agree with that.”
“Yes, they would. There isnae a doubt in ma mind that ma da would have married ma mama if she were barren.”
“They were arranged. She went to Dunbeath because there was a contract to marry. They wouldnae have met otherwise.”
“Her father never consulted a midwife. He didna ken one way or another, and he wished to be rid of her. He looked for an excuse to send her away. If she’d told Da she couldnae have any bairns, he still would have married her. They fell in love before they married. They handfasted first. They’d be as happy as they are today, even if they hadnae had three weans. Ma da has three brothers. He wasna worried aboot heirs when he married Mama. What if Uncle Alex had been the auldest? He has three lasses. He has never loved them less for nay being sons, and he wouldnae if he were Grandda’s heir instead of Da. I’m more worried that ye willna like living in a keep with so many people. It’s crowded.”
Greer’s expression softened as she smiled. “That’s what Rose says. It’s why ye two and Shona were at Dunrobin when Blaine showed up. Ye wished to escape to yer Sutherland family for the space.”
“Aye. One day—God willing nae for scores—I will be laird and will have to live in the keep. But if ye wish for privacy that ye havenae had, then we can live in a croft until then.”
Greer rested her hands on his waist. “Thor, ye’re making a lot of concessions to me that ye havenae had time to consider.”
“Aye, I have. I’ve had years to think aboot this. I’ve wondered what life would be like if we did ever reconcile. It’s all I’ve thought aboot since ye arrived at Dunbeath and since we’ve come here.”
“I have, too. But now that the chance is here, I dinna ken if I can. I want to, Thor. Please dinna doubt that. I just dinna ken if I can. I’m scared.”
“Wheest,mo ghaol.” My love. “We dinna have to wed in three sennights. We can move much slower.”
“It’s nae the wedding or the thought of marrying. It’s the act of being married.”
“Then we wait, and we see how things progress. If ye wish for me to touch ye, to try things with me, then we can. It doesnae have to happen all at once.”
Greer studied him for so long Thor forced himself not to shift nervously. “If ye hadnae barged in here, we might never have cleared this mess between us.”
“Aye, we would have. I couldnae live with this tenuous balance we had. Ma need to ken why ye did what I believed ye had was becoming too strong. It’s why I wanted to speak to ye the other evening, but that conversation didna go well. I was too heavy-handed, insisting that ye talk to me because that’s what I wanted.”
“However this came aboot, I’m glad it did. I wanted to sort this out too, but I wasna sure I could tell ye what happened that day and after. I should have had more faith in ye. Ye arenae that different from the mon I kenned back then. I think that’s why this has all been so hard. It’s why I still love ye. Would ye still kiss me?”
“Aye, wee one. Anytime ye wish.” Thor threaded his fingers with hers as their mouths once more fused together. She opened to him, welcoming his questing tongue as it swept the inside of her cheek before dueling with hers. When she sucked lightly, he nearly lost his resolve to keep this exchange tame. There was an uncertainty to her action that made Thor realize it wasn’t the act of a woman who’d been with anyone other than him. He didn’t want to think the word many, even though he suspected that was the case. It didn’t disgust him. It infuriated him. He didn’t want his anger to take hold again because he didn’t want Greer to think he directed any of it at her.
