Caitlyn’s gaze flickered to his waist, and her cheeks felt on fire because she knew Alex watched her. She hadn’t intended to take his words as an innuendo, but she hadn’t been able to stop herself from what his words brought to mind.
“You flatter me, lass.” Alex grinned as Caitlyn gazed everywhere but at his eyes. He grew serious as he continued. “I can’t explain some of this. I think I should have tried using my hand sooner, but I didn’t know. Mayhap it will improve with use. But I don’t think my arm will ever be useful again. It’s only skin sewn tight that’s keeping it on. Even if I can’t use my arm, having use of my hand makes life seem a little easier to bear.”
Caitlyn reached out a tentative hand. “I know your arm pains you all the time, especially when you jar it, or someone bumps it. But does your hand hurt to be touched?”
“Nay.” Alex was unprepared for Caitlyn to slide her hands into his. It felt normal. It felt like it had the innumerable times they’d done it since they were children.
“I’m not saying yesterday proves your worries wrong.” Caitlyn squeezed his hands. “But I will say that I never—not for a single breath—doubted you could protect me. I just knew. I was worried something would happen to you, but at the same time, I was positive I was safe because you were there.”
“I will never give up protecting you, even if I’m holding on by my fingernails. There is naught I wouldn’t do for you, Caity. I love you.”
“I love you, Alex. I always have.” Caitlyn’s green-gray gaze met Alex’s green one. “I understand that doesn’t change things. Don’t fear that I expect aught from you now.”
“Now? Do you mean after you watched me fight or after I bedded you?”
“Either.” Caitlyn shrugged. “Both.”
Alex didn’t know what to say. He wanted her to expect a great deal from him, but he recognized the perverted selfishness in that when he had nothing he could give. They left the sleeping area together and accepted the warm bannocks and honey Mary offered. Benedict came inside, brushing his windswept hair from his forehead.
“I guessed your wife likely needed the sleep but that you’d want to be off soon. I hope you don’t mind, but I saddled your horse. I thought to give you more time to eat.” Benedict explained casually as he gathered his own bannocks. He’d saved Alex the embarrassment of trying to maneuver the large leather object, and his casual tone downplayed the help he offered. Neither Mary nor Benedict knew for certain that something more than a gash was wrong with Alex’s arm, but it was obvious they’d noticed he favored his left arm for everything.
“I appreciate that. Sorcha needed the rest, and I admit, so did I. You’ve been so gracious to us.”
“You two haven’t been married long, have you?” Mary asked. At Caitlyn and Alex’s surprised expressions, she explained, “I can tell from how close you stand without realizing it. If my Matthew and his wife were ever in need, I would hope someone would take them in. It was the least we could do for you. Mayhap you will offer the same hospitality one day to a young couple.”
Caitlyn stepped forward and embraced Mary while Alex and Benedict clasped forearms. They left the older couple in their croft and made their way to the stables. Alex felt a surge of trepidation when he remembered he couldn’t help Caitlyn mount. He watched as she clicked her tongue and grasped Strong’s bridle. She led him to a stump where Benedict chopped wood. She swung the horse to block anyone’s view and used the stump as a mounting block. She cocked an eyebrow at Alex. Swallowing his pride, he followed suit, and they were on their way.
* * *
“People will talk if they aren’t already. How do you want to explain why you were away from the keep with me overnight?” Alex held the reins lightly in his hands, his arms resting at the sides of Caitlyn’s waist as she rode before him.
“The truth?”
“Do you think people will believe it? If they learn someone attacked, they will wonder why I’m not dead.”
“You believe everyone assumes you’re an invalid. I don’t think that’s how others view you.”
“Then you are hard of hearing or short of memory. You’ve heard what’s been said. But I don’t care aboot that. I’m more worried aboot what people will say aboot you.”
“They’ll crow over being right, that I’m a fallen woman, who is only suited to being a mistress.” Caitlyn didn’t want to consider how close to the truth the assumptions were. But it wasn’t her skin color that made her only suited to be Alex’s mistress—albeit for one night—rather than his wife. It was his stubbornness.
“It makes me uneasy to leave you at court. I’m worried aboot what men will do if they think you aren’t a maiden anymore.”
“Half the court assumes I’m not, while the other half assumes no one will touch me. They’ll gossip aboot me being gone, but I doubt it will change aught. Their opinions can’t get any lower.”
“I loathe that. Can Innes and Collette not request you return home? Come up with some reason?”
“Nay. My parents don’t want me near the border anymore. That’s why they married Cairren to a Highlander. They would only agree to me going south for one reason.” Caitlyn didn’t need to articulate that the one reason was marriage to Alex.
“Then discretion is best.”
“You mean not being seen together. Won’t that make us appear guiltier?”
“We’ve been—uh—rather distant while I’ve been at court. People might think we’ve had another falling out.”
“Or that you tupped me and are no longer interested. But discretion is best.” Caitlyn sighed, but neither said any more. It took them an hour to ride back to Stirling. They entered the bailey while it was still early. Men were already in the lists, but few members of court were awake. Alex and Caitlyn’s guards met them in the stables.
“What happened?” Grant demanded as the couple dismounted. Alex raised his chin and cocked an eyebrow, reminding the guardsman that his tone wasn’t appropriate to his lady.
