Chapter Sixteen
Maude read Kieran’s missive for the second time. It arrived that morning, and Maude slipped away to her chamber to read it in private. As she came to the end, she was uncertain of her reaction. Her heart ached for Kieran’s dilemma, but part of her feared making a home among his family. She was certain even without meeting Adeline or Abigail that she wouldn’t be welcome. She considered whether her feelings for Kieran were strong enough to withstand the inevitable tests the other two women would present. She wondered if she would grow to resent Kieran or if she would put him in the middle. Would he side with her or would blood win out? She closed her eyes as she let the concerns run through her head. She moved the pieces around in her mind until she heard what her heart was trying to say. She was certain she loved Kieran. It hadn’t taken long, but she was certain. Her father had commented on it, and so had Blair and Arabella. While she might not have confessed it to Kieran, she was honest with herself. She didn’t anticipate moving to Stornoway with eagerness, knowing a cold reception awaited her, but she had dealt with such before and came out the other side. For Kieran’s sake and for the chance to have a loving marriage, she would bear the difficulties with as much grace as she could muster. She picked up the quill to put her decision to paper.
Td,
I am much relieved to learn of your safe arrival. The weather here has been little better, so hearing from you eases my worry. I miss you too, td. I wish we were together, wherever that might be. I’m sorry you had such an unpleasant reunion with your family, but it seems rather unavoidable from what you shared. I wish for everyone involved that you can come to an agreement and make amends. It pains me to think of you at odds with more members of your family. You may not wish to hear this, but I think you may have to follow through with your ultimatum. Ask yourself what is best for your clan, not for your family. It’s the price paid by all lairds. Sometimes what one wants for their loved ones can’t be easily reconciled with one’s duties. I’d venture to say King Robert experiences that daily. There is much he would have liked to grant my cousins during their trials and tribulations at court, and certainly what he must have wished to do for his brother and Lady Elizabeth. Leadership comes with quite expensive costs.
I’m not sure if I should say this as I don’t want you to take offense, but my parents offer sound council if you should ask for it. I won’t say any more than that but be reassured that the offer stands.
Arabella gripes at me because I have reverted to wearing my hair up more often. I’m guessing you suspected I would. While it isn’t the “austere matron’s knot” that Arabella called my previous style, it’s simpler than the intricate braids. It’s something I can do myself. While my maid is skilled at creating those styles, she isn’t the gentlest of hair dressers. My scalp thanks me for retaking control of my hair.
In less inane news—well, I can’t rightly say that there is any news. Naught but the usual has occurred since you left. It’s the endless routine of praying, eating, walking, dancing, and sleeping. I could do it in my sleep. I wish I could be doing it in my sleep. I look forward to the weather improving, so I can take Trioblaid out. I’ve kept the poor lad cooped up in his stall for sennights. I visit him and sneak him extra apples and carrots, but we haven’t been able to gallop in ages. Fear not, td, I will take Donald and Tomas with me and at least two more of Da’s guards if I ride out. I need to visit the abbey and Michael since the castle’s medicinals are running low once more. I may have to brave the wind and snow. Trioblaid never minds, but I don’t enjoy the wind up my---well, never mind where. Suffice it to say, I don’t care for it.
Until your next missive, yours fondly,
Bc
PS I have no intention of relinquishing you. Fear not, I’m prepared to give you the answer you seek.
Maude sealed the parchment and sent it with a page to find a Sutherland messenger. She prayed he had safe passage once he arrived on MacLeod land. Tensions had eased in Assynt, but she wasn’t sure that the MacLeods on Lewis had forgiven her clan yet. She’d discussed her dowry at length with her father the day before. She recognized it was unusual for him to do so, but he believed his daughters should be aware of their options for their future, so no husband or clan could take advantage of them. Maude hadn’t told her father about Kieran’s financial concerns. They didn’t seem dire, more an ongoing source of frustration. However, it relieved her to discover her dowry included a sizable portion. If Kieran safeguarded it, there would be enough to refill their coffers. Her father selected land near the border with Assynt as her dower lands. She understood and appreciated that he did this on purpose. While the MacLeods wouldn’t be allowed to build on the land, and she didn’t think Kieran would ever send any MacLeods to live on it, it would make the border less contentious.
When the time came for a wedding, she hoped Kieran would be amenable to traveling to Sutherland, so her mother and brother could be a part of the festivities. She would stress that they invite Adeline and Abigail, too, but she wasn’t sure they would accept.
Maude didn’t share how much better her experience at court was now that Madeline left. She was still a wallflower, and at times, it was still difficult not to envy Arabella’s beauty and poise, but she felt more confident thanks to Kieran’s support. She danced more often but was relieved when few men asked for more intimate dances. She politely refused until they no longer asked. Several assumed Kieran’s absence would open the door to seducing her. Her father disabused them of that idea. She’d overhead two men discussing her, and their comments had crushed her until she reminded herself that she wasn’t seeking their approval. They’d commented on how her breasts and backside would feel in the dark would made up for her lack of beauty, and what they intended didn’t have to involve looking at her face. She’d stumbled away and excused herself from the evening meal. It took a hearty cry before she remembered that the only man’s approval she sought was Kieran’s, and she accepted that she’d gained that by being herself.
Missives from Kieran arrived every four days, so she’d received three more in the fortnight that passed since Kieran arrived home. He remained away almost as long as the last time he returned to Lewis, except this time, he regretted it was impossible to pledge to return within a moon. Maude looked forward to his missives and found it offered her a different way to become acquainted with Kieran, as they shared many private thoughts on how they viewed their positions as laird and lady of a clan, and they discovered they had similar stances on how to lead. They appreciated one another’s ideas and values. She offered council when he requested it, and while she had little need to ask his advice on navigating the world of ladies-in-waiting, his suggestions made her laugh. The only thing missing was the opportunity to be in each other’s presence, to touch and to feel. They shared their longing for one another and even hinted at what they wished to do once they wed. Maude’s ears often burned as she read and wrote the suggestive comments. It made the separation a little more bearable.
* * *
Kieran paced like a caged lion. He was even more incensed than he had been when he arrived to deal with his mother’s disregard for their clan’s finances. He’d suspected she might be intercepting his correspondence, but he hadn’t had proof until that morning. He’d been in the lists and returned to discover a missive had arrived from Maude. He’d wondered if his mother had been opening, then resealing, the letters before they were given to him. After the last missive arrived, he instructed Adam or Agatha to find him when the next one arrived. He allowed Adam to leave it on his desk as he did with all of Kieran’s correspondence. He watched his mother skulk toward his solar before entering and locking the door. He waited a couple of minutes before letting himself in. She stood beside his desk, missive in hand, sneering at it. She didn’t bat an eyelash at being caught. She tossed the parchment on the desk before telling him that men bedded wantons like Maude but never married them. He fought the urge to wring her neck but ordered her out of his solar. He locked and barred the door before rushing to retrieve the precious letter.
Td,
I miss you. I realize that I shouldn’t greet you with that. That I shouldn’t bemoan our separation but rather reassure you that all is well in your absence, but I can’t. I miss you and find myself in a foul mood today for it. I hear your voice in my head, but it’s not the same as when you kiss my neck and whisper to me. The spot at the corner of my jaw tingles with the same need for your attention as the rest of me does. I wish to lay my eyes on you again, for you are the most handsome man I know. It still mesmerizes me that someone so fine as you should have chosen someone like me. I admit I still worry others will think you’ve settled. But enough of the doldrums. Suffice it to say, I look forward to your return.
Kieran paused and considered what his mother accused Maude of. These sentiments were benign, and even the racier things they shared were innocent. But Adeline couldn’t have known or considered Maude’s comments questionable based upon this letter. She’d read the others.
I hope things are on the up and up with your family and clan. I dislike thinking of youbearing these burdens alone, but it seems that Kyle lends a good ear. I wish there wasmore for me to do to assist, but I feel rather hopeless so far from you. And it’snot my place.While this might add salt to the wound, Blair convinced me to order a new gown. It’sarriving in a sennight. I shall save it for your return. I’d like to look my best when youarrive. I hope you haven’t forgotten what I look like. I’m about yay tall—place your handon your breastbone — with dark hair and dark eyes. I’ll be the one waiting for you.
Yours always,
Bc
Kieran folded the letter before retrieving the other ones he stored in a locked drawer. He no longer believed they were safe in his solar. The knowledge that his mother invaded his privacy ruined the notion that this chamber was his sanctuary. He would keep the letters in his sporran if he had to. They were too special to share with anyone else. He pulled a fresh parchment forward and considered what he would say.
Bc,
How could I forget what you look like when you are on my mind constantly? I’m intrigued by this new gown. I would ask you to describe it, but I intend to see it and you before your response can reach me. I’ve concluded the business that took me from you, and I plan to leave here in two days. I will send a rider ahead when we are an hour outside of Stirling. Meet me in the spense and wear your new gown, if you would. I long to see you in it almost as much as I long to slip you out of it. Bc, I ache to touch you, to taste you. I hope it is the same for you. Promise me a smile for when I return. The one where one corner of your mouth twitches up. I’m always desperately curious about what you’re thinking when you gift me with one of them. I shall take you in my arms and hold you for as long as we dare.
Will you say yes if I ask? Consider your answer, for it shall be the first thing I say. I miss you, bc. Not much longer, mo leannan. Not until we’re reunited and not till I claim you as my wife.
Devotedly yours,
Td
After sealing the parchment, Kieran summoned his messenger. The man nodded before Kieran had the chance to give his instructions. They were always the same: the messenger is to deliver missive into no one’s hands but Lady Maude. He tucked the stack of older missives into his sporran and went in search of Kyle. He acknowledged that he was letting his mother chase him from his home, but he was fed up with being delayed and manipulated. His mother met his announcement of his imminent departure with silence, while his sister shed crocodile tears. When he rode out two days later, anyone watching would have thought the flames of hell were licking at his boots.
Chapter Seventeen
