“But men never ask me to dance. They may stare at my bosom, but they aren’t interested in me.”
“Good,” Kieran huffed until he realized how that would sound to a woman with insecurities. “That didn’t come out right at all. That was jealousy once again. I’d rather not share you. But the reason the men don’t ask is that you hide away. I asked around this morning under the guise of looking for a potential husband for Madeline. God bless the mon who ends up with her. I feel guilty aboot that alliance already. But I asked aboot which women might be more desirable candidates for marriage. Your name came up over and over, and before you say it was for your dowry, it wasn’t. I wanted to smash my fist into more than one face after hearing some of the more lascivious reasons you’re considered a catch.”
“Wonderful. The men who don’t want my father’s coin or land only want me because they suspect I’ll be a good swive. Laurel is still right. I appear little better than a tavern whore. I don’t resemble a lady.”
Kieran was on his feet in an instant, pacing as his hands fisted and opened. He looked at Maude thrice before he stopped in front of her. He wanted to reach for her, but he didn’t dare when she thought men only wanted her for coupling.
“Perhaps that’s the case with some men, but that’s not the case with me. I don’t need your dowry, and if I wanted a tavern wench, I would find one. Instead, I am with you. Driving myself crazy. It’s clear I’m a glutton for punishment. I desire you, Maude. I do want to couple with you. Badly. But that’s not the reason I want to court you. Passion fades over time and is replaced with familiarity and hopefully companionship. That’s not to say that I won’t continue to desire you, but I want more than that. I want someone whose company I enjoy. A woman who is intelligent, kind, selfless, funny, daring, stubborn, honest. I can keep going, and I’ve only known you a day. I want the chance to discover if we suit. If you find you don’t want my attention, then I will go my own way. But not without a fight.”
“I’m a wee overwhelmed, Kieran. I’m unsure what to say other than I’d like to get to know you better. But you don’t have to spin falsehoods, ever, to make me feel better.”
“What falsehoods have I told?” Kieran demanded. “I don’t lie to you.”
“Those men do want my dowry. They hear there are two Sutherland daughters here, and they seek us out. They stare at my bust, and they smile at my breasts rather than my face. Then they take in the rest of me, and it’s inevitable: their smiles drop until they spot Blair. They’re aware I’m the elder, so they pray someone else will marry me, so they can hope to wed Blair.” Maude looked away before Kieran glimpsed the pain in her eyes, but he didn’t have to try hard to imagine it. He’d seen it the previous night. “Besides, there are far more desirable women available for marriage. Arabella is the most beautiful of the ladies-in-waiting. Two men will approach us, and one will speak to me until the other leads Bella out to dance, then the one left behind walks away.”
Kieran put a damper on his lust and pulled Maude into her embrace. She needed respect and patience at that moment, not a sword searching for her sheath. He tucked her against his chest and stroked her hair.
“I learned of some of what happened when you were younger. Michael told me,” he murmured against her hair as he kissed her crown between words. “I wish I had the power to go back in time and keep that from happening to you. But alas, I can’t. All I can do is try to prove to you in the present that you’re so much more than you think. Lass, will you let me court you?”
Maude’s arms tightened a fraction around his waist, and she nodded her head against his chest.
“Do you not sense how perfectly we fit together?” Kieran whispered. They stood in silence for a long time, both comforted by holding one another. When the shadows shifted through the window, Kieran accepted they had to leave. They’d already been tucked away together far too long. More than one person noticed they had returned from the monastery, but if neither of them could be found, people would speculate that they were together. Kieran might want Maude, but he wouldn’t force her to marry him because he destroyed her reputation. “Buttercup, we need to go. It’s getting close to the evening meal. We’ll be late. I don’t want people to gossip aboot why we’re both missing.”
Maude tensed before nodding her head once. She pulled away but wouldn’t glance at him. He understood she interpreted his words to mean he didn’t want people linking them together. Kieran wrapped an arm around her again and tipped her chin up. He longed to lower his lips to hers and discover if they were as soft as they looked.
“I only meant that I don’t want people to speak ill of you. If you decide to marry me, it’ll be because you want to, not because I ruined your reputation, and they forced you to. It’s too soon to enter the Great Hall together, but I will ask you to dance tonight.”
Maude gave a noncommittal nod before moving toward the door. Kieran opened it and stepped outside, keeping Maude tucked behind him. He counted to fifty in his head, and when no one appeared, he led Maude out. They parted ways, entering the castle through separate entrances. Maude would have Arabella make her excuses if Kieran looked for her. She still intended to take that bath and tray in her chamber rather than go to the Great Hall. She’d had as much time with other people as she could manage that day.
Chapter Six
The servants hadn’t yet served the second course before Kieran realized Maude wasn’t coming to the hall for the evening meal. He worried that her absence was his fault and hoped she’d ordered a tray brought to her room rather than go hungry on his account. When the servants cleared and pushed aside the tables while the musicians warmed up, he wove his way through the crowded Great Hall until he found Arabella. To his misfortune, she was standing with his sister and her friends. He approached with care, but Madeline spotted him. She pushed Laurel toward him with all the subtlety of a fishwife. He looked past them and raised an eyebrow at Arabella, who shook her head. Madeline watched her brother, then looked over her shoulder at Arabella. Her eyes narrowed before glaring at her brother.
“You’re in time to claim the first dance,” Madeline said by way of greeting as she pushed Laurel a couple more steps forward.
“Thank you, but nay. I came to tell you I’ve received a missive from Adam, and I need to return home for a short time.” He glanced at Arabella and hoped she was listening and would relay the story to Maude. “There was a raid, and they razed a village. I need to return to see the damages and determine our next steps. I’ll be gone a few sennights, but I will return. There are matters I haven’t settled here.” He wasn’t about to admit that his matters with the king had concluded and his unfinished business was with Maude.
Madeline, for all her vanity and smarminess, was loyal to their clan and protective of their people. She stepped around Laurel until she linked her arm through Kieran’s. They stepped aside to speak in private. When he was ready to leave, he glanced again at Arabella. She nodded once, and it relieved him that she understood what he needed from her. However, Madeline was watching him again. Her eyes narrowed once more as she looked between Arabella and Kieran. He understood what she assumed, and he was not about to disabuse her if it meant it protected Maude from being locked in her sights. He would be away long enough for any suspicion that he was interested in Arabella to fizzle. He just hoped that Maude’s interest in him wouldn’t fizzle, too.
* * *
Kieran slogged through the rain and mud in the bailey the next morning, the extra material from his plaid pulled over his head. He entered the stable and pushed his wet hair from his face as he moved along the stalls until he came to Trioblaid’s. He offered the horse an apple.
“Take care of her, lad.” He moved down to his own horse’s stall, but feared he’d jump out of his skin when a soft voice reached him.
“You never told me his name.” Maude stepped out of the shadow and walked to the stall door. She raised her hand for his horse to sniff her before she attempted to stroke between his wide-set eyes. The horse nickered and swished his tail as he nudged her with his head.
“I believe Peat would like you to give him an apple.”
“Pete? As in Peter the apostle? You gave him a person’s name?”
“No, Peat as in mòine.”
“Ah. He is the same color as fresh peat, but I’m not sure he smells as good as a warm fire.”
“Wheest. You’ll hurt his feelings by calling him a smelly beast.” Kieran grinned, relieved to see Maude in good spirits. He’d worried that his behavior from the day before might have ended their courtship before it even started.
“I’m nae the one who called him names. There is only one wee beastie here, and it’s nae yer steed.” Maude allowed her brogue to flow as she returned Kieran’s teasing. She flashed one of her rare open-mouthed smiles, and Kieran didn’t stop himself from brushing his thumb over her plump lower lip.
