“Cairstine, I’ll never force you. I want you to be my wife in whatever manner you feel comfortable with. I won’t push you. I just want you by my side. I want to grow auld with you. If we are a doting aunt and uncle, then so be it.”
Cairstine shook her head, but kissed Eoin again when he looked crestfallen. “I told the truth that morning after my bath. I knew what I was doing with you. I can’t ignore how my body feels when I’m with you. It’s been ready to couple with you longer than my mind has. I want to be your wife. A real wife,” Cairstine leaned forward for emphasis. She needed Eoin to understand he wouldn’t be living like a monk, nor would she live like a nun. They would live as a married couple should. “Will you teach me?”
Eoin wanted to get up and pace, he wanted to hold her, he even thought he might be ill. There were too many thoughts and emotions jumbled around in him, but the loudest and most pressing was his conscience. “Cairstine, you had two horrid nightmares that upset you. You dreamed of being attacked all over again. I don’t know that tonight is the right time to make love for the first time.”
“Make love?” Cairstine head the sincerity and rawness in Eoin’s voice. “Isn’t it the same as coupling? I want to know what that’s like with you. I won’t let these nightmares stand in the way.”
“It is not the same. At least not in my mind. Coupling is what I did in the past. It was enjoyable, but it was never with a woman I cared aboot. It felt good, then it was done. You’re the only woman I have ever loved. I want your first time,” Eoin shook his head. “I want our first time to be special. I don’t want the lingering shadows of your dreams haunting you. And I told you before, I won’t make you my mistress. We aren’t married; we’re not even handfasted.”
“Eoin, will you marry me?”
Eoin tickled her ribs before kissing her. “I was going to ask that. Yes, I’ll marry you.” Eoin looked around the chamber they’d shared for weeks, and it felt like theirs rather than hers. They didn’t have any witnesses, but they weren’t required to make a handfast binding. Only the consummation could do that. Even if they’d exchanged vows for real that day in the meadow, the handfast could easily be dissolved before the year and a day because they hadn’t coupled. Eoin couldn’t imagine another day without knowing Cairstine was his wife in truth, and he wouldn’t allow anyone to take her from him. “Will you handfast with me? Right here, right now?”
“Aye. Right here, right now.”
Eoin pulled his length of plaid from over his shoulder and bound their hands with it. It wasn’t the cord that was the norm at a handfasting or a wedding, but it was Gordon plaid. He was swearing his oath on his honor as a Gordon, and he was welcoming Cairstine into his clan.
“I pledge to you that it will be your eyes into which I gaze every morning,” Eoin began the ancient vows. “I pledge to you this life and the eternal, each equally in your care. I shall be a faithful shield for your back, and you for mine.”
“You cannot possess me for I belong to myself.” Cairstine gazed into Eoin’s eyes as she made her promises, and she found nothing but love and acceptance shining in them. “But while we both wish it, I give you all that is mine to give. You cannot command me for I am a free person, but I choose to heed your guidance.”
“I shall not slander you, nor you me,” Eoin continued.
“I shall honor you above all others,” Cairstine smiled.
“And when we quarrel, we shall do so in private and tell no strangers our grievances,” Eoin finished their individual vows. They spoke the next words in unison, their voices blending into one.
“This is my wedding vow to you. This is the marriage of equals.”
They sat gazing at each other, both in awe of what they’d just sworn, but they couldn’t contain their smiles for long. Eoin cupped Cairstine’s jaw as he pressed the most tender kiss to her lips that he could manage, pouring every ounce of his love and devotion into in. Cairstine returned it with the same fervor.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Eoin was certain he was on his way to his heavenly reward. He was holding the woman he loved deeply and had just pledged his eternal life to. Her hands roaming over his body felt divine, and her taste and scent made him lightheaded. He’d suggested they wait because his conscience urged him, but Cairstine’s reassurance and his long-restrained need were powerful forces. Their kisses began gently, almost sentimental as they absorbed the significance of their promises, but it wasn’t long before their desire burst like a powder keg. Eoin pulled at the laces to Cairstine’s kirtle as she fumbled with his belt. Frustration forced them apart as they stripped bare, in awe of one another’s beauty. Eoin ran the back of his hand over her pebbled nipples as Cairstine pulled him in for another kiss. His hands slid to her bottom as he lifted Cairstine, her legs wrapping around his waist. His sword sought her sheath, the tip grazing her entrance. Eoin laid Cairstine on the bed, but she held up a hand before he joined her.
“You’ve seen all of me before, or at least certain parts of me more often than I’ve seen certain parts of you. I barely caught a glance of you before. I couldn’t keep my eyes open for much of it, it felt so good. But now I want to see all of you,” Cairstine explained. Eoin was certain he’d spill yet another time without Cairstine touching him when she ran her tongue along the bottom of her teeth, as though she was plotting her line of attack.
“You’re teasing me,” Eoin growled.
“Maybe a little,” Cairstine giggled.
“Then you shall get as good as you give.” Eoin grasped her ankles and tugged her back to the edge of the bed. He bent over and caught one of her nipples between his lips. He suckled and nipped, Cairstine curling off the bed to bring herself closer. Her head fell back as waves of need coursed through her, making her breasts and core ache for Eoin’s attention.
“Eo, please,” she begged.
“Nay. Not yet,leannan.” Eoin grew serious for a moment. “This is your first time, Cairrie. I’m not a small mon, and it may hurt even though I would do aught to prevent it. I must make sure you’re ready for me.”
“I am ready,” Cairstine protested.
“Your mind and your desire might be, but your body needs to be.”
“I’m telling you, it is.” Cairstine grasped Eoin’s wrist with both of her hands, pressing it down her belly to her mound. Another shiver spread through her at his touch. She pressed his fingers against her entrance and knew they would come away coated in her dew. “See,” she crowed triumphantly.
“Aye, you are ready, but I’m not.”
Cairrie snorted, “You look ready.”
“Cheeky. I meant I’m not ready for it to be over that soon. I won’t last long once I bury myself in you, and I would make our first time be a journey, not a sprint.” Eoin returned his mouth to her breast, licking, suckling, nipping until Cairstine tugged his hair, needing his mouth back on hers. Eoin’s fingers remained within her, working the silky core and the tiny pearl that was the secret to her pleasure. Cairstine writhed as she attempted to raise her hips so she could brush her seam against his hard length. Eoin draped his body over hers and kissed her. “Uh-ah,” he chided.
