IalmostbackedoutofNora’s party but decided that I’d just torture myself wondering.After a day of torturing myself wondering.It would be better to run into Alicia here than randomly somewhere else.It was bound to happen, and each time would build space between us and the kiss that didn’t happen.We’d fall back into the easier territory we’d been in before last night.If I knew anything about her it was that she would clear the vibe; I’d just have to follow suit or ...tell her how I truly felt.
Torture.
I’d decided that if I was going to leave my home, I was going to do it in my most comfortable attire.My black sweatpants and loose-fitting, gray T-shirt definitely fit the bill.I wore my glasses instead of my contacts, and my hair was tucked under a beanie.Brooks and I were sitting in silence, sipping our beers.I’d be nursing my drinks tonight.No need to be a lovesick idiot and drunk at the same time.I had zero faith in my ability to keep my cool around Alicia while under the influence.
Brooks was in his usual attire of a free T-shirt he got from some vendor and worn jeans.His baseball cap was pushed back and his unruly dark hair spiked out in every direction underneath it.
Olivia and her fiancé, Anton, still hadn’t shown up.
Nora was in the kitchen, where the snacks were.
Sterling Strauss was the loudest person in the room—as was his usual—yelling over the chill music.Next to him, Ransom, his cousin, scowled.His ruddy eyebrows pulled together, and his jaw was set.I didn’t think he actually disapproved of all of us, even though that was the messaging.I thought maybe his face actually did get “stuck that way.”
It wasn’t enough to deter Lindsey Miller from casting him hopeful looks.
I didn’t usually sit on the sidelines of a party, but I could see the benefits.There was a lot going on around us, and I had a front row seat to all of it.It was kinda comforting, catching glimpses of everyone else not knowing what they were doing.
Hazel and Elijah stood a few feet away talking with Millie.While not trying to look at her too obviously, I wondered why I’d never tried to take her out on a date.She was sweet, and easy to talk to.And pretty, in a simple way, as if her features became more lovely the more I looked at her.
My phone buzzed in my lap with texts from Owen.He and Emmeline were at his parents for dinner.
Owen: How’s the party?
I glanced around, and my eyes automatically landed on the front door—always looking for Alicia.I couldn’t help shaking my head at my own stupidity.
Me: Just amping up.It’s still chill at the moment.But shit usually doesn’t hit the fan until Olivia shows up.
Owen: Not your shit, though.
I snorted.
Me: No, my shit is fine.
Owen: Will Alicia be there?
Me: She should be.
My eyes flicked to the still closed door.Her arrival would be met with relief that I could stop anticipating it, and tension that my attempts to be friendly had backfired so spectacularly.
I wanted her.
I missed her.
I loved her.
I was so annoyed with myself.
Owen: You sure your shit isn’t gonna hit the fan?
No, I thought, but I typed out,I’m good, man.
I hadn’t told him about last night.Three little dots came and went on the screen until finally, he sent,That’s great.I just kinda don’t believe you.
Owen had been my best friend for years, and especially through the divorce.It didn’t surprise me that he saw through my attempt at a brave face.
“Can I sit here?”Lola pointed to the cushion between me and Brooks.Her large dark curls draped over the shoulders of her jade-colored sweatshirt.I hadn’t seen her since the other night at Benji’s.I smiled a greeting up at her.
“Mmm,” Brooks grunted jerking his head toward the empty spot between us.
