Reluctantly, she closes her eyes, and I can’t deny I am impressed by her endless fight.
“Keep focusing on me and the space between us. Maybe imagine opening a door and seeing me on the other side?” I wait a few moments, wondering if she is actually trying or just playing along, when a surge of emotion floods the space between us. The ghost of connection I felt before turns into something formidable and all-encompassing. Wave after wave of emotion crashes into me—fear, pain, confusion, desire, rage, relief—and for a moment, I am lost in her torrents.
Discipline and control.
I do not know what else to do, so I work to calm the deluge. Sweat beads on my brow, but my efforts prevail, and her raging river slows to a manageable, trickling stream.
Her mind is an expanse of chaos, and the one emotion that burns the brightest also sinks a blade into my heart. It is the evidence of my failure, and seeing how deeply it has scarred her is a pain beyond words. But she is here. She is alive. And she is stronger than I thought possible, carrying an immense burden without losing her kindness or humor. It is a miracle.Sheis a miracle.
And I am a monster.
I take a deep breath before allowing some of my emotions to slip into the space between us, grateful for the years I spentdeveloping control over my mind. Some things, I am not yet ready to share.
She finds me quickly, slipping between my body and soul like a set of phantom hands. It is … uncomfortable, and more intimidating than I anticipated. While she may have felt some of my emotions before, this is different. It is deeply intimate.
Her hand jerks beneath mine, and Ifeelher surprise.
“Oh my god,” she whispers. “Is that … you?”
She opens her eyes, and I ask, “Do you believe me now?”
17
PERMANENT
AMARA
“DO YOU BELIEVE me now?” Vexar asks.
I have no idea how to answer that. Whatever’s going on here isn’t just some party trick—like tapping out my heartbeats—I canfeelhis emotions. As much as I want to scoff and berate him for trying to fool me, I can’t. He isn’t trying to fool me. This isreal.
Fucking hell, this is real.
The foundation of my reality begins to shake as it has so many times over the past year. Let’s just say being abducted by aliens can really do a number on your sense of what’s real. My human understanding of the universe has been smashed over the head so many times, I don’t trust myself to know the difference between fact and fiction anymore. At least not out here. Everything’s just so much stranger than I thought possible. Maybe I just need to accept that some things are beyond my understanding. Like this. This is beyond my understanding.
“I’m not sure what I believe,” I say.
He rubs his thumbs over the backs of my hands as his two hearts thud against my palms, one of them mirroring my pulse.He’s nervous. And hopeful. And I canfeelthat. Not in the same way I feel my own emotions, more like having a stray thought slip through the back of my mind. But it’s still there. And I’ve never experienced anything quite like it. I feel strangely whole.
“You’re so … calm,” I say.
“I have had a lot of practice controlling my emotions.”
I hum, but it’s a quiet, thoughtful sound. “Just for the sake of confirmation or whatever, can you tell me what you’re feeling right now?” An echo of anxiety passes through the back of my mind, but it’s small in comparison to everything else I’m feeling from him.
“Curiosity, excitement, and … desire,” he says, glancing down to where my hands are still pressed to his chest.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt so vulnerable, but the strange part is, it doesn’t feel scary. It feels good. But the urge to devour him is nearing the level of inescapable compulsion, and I’m not sure how to handle it. My eyes keep locking on his mouth, and each time it gets harder to look away.
“So this is part of the … bond?” I choke out, clenching my legs together. “Being able to feel each other's emotions?”
“I believe it is called a tether, although I know very little about it. And yes, it is part of the bond.”
Bond.Tether. It all sounds very … permanent. Very ensnaring.
I drop my hands from his chest and brush the hair back from my face. “If you don’t know anything about thesetethers, how did you know we had one?”
“You’ve been noticing my emotions all day, as I have been noticing yours.” His head tilts as he waits for me to agree with him, but I honestly don’t know what he means. “When I was telling you about my experience in the arena, you knew what I was feeling despite me doing everything in my power to hide it. No one can read me when I do not want them to, and yet, you did.”
