God, why am I so nervous right now? It’s just Jensen and me hanging out in a bedroom—something we’ve done countless times before. But this … this time feels different.
He knows it. I know it.
That tension that’s been bubbling to the surface is close to erupting, and once that happens, there’s no going back.
He pats the top of the comforter beside him.
I teeter back and forth, contemplating whether to hang out for a few minutes or go to the spare bedroom I’m staying in tonight.
Without breaking my stare, he scoots over to the edge on his side, giving me space on mine, as if a few extra inches is what I need right now—I need more like a few thousand miles.
Those swirling chocolate-brown eyes of his melt, tugging at my heart, and my body is reacting before I can stop it.
Just like how we always lay when we were kids, I hop up in bed, on top of the blanket, and settle on my side of the bed, laying my head against the pillows.
“Thank you,” he whispers softly, and my head whips his way.
“For what?”
He leans back and rolls onto his side to face me. “For being here. If you weren’t, I … I’d be really going through it.”
Reaching out, I rest my hand on top of his. “I’m here.”
The side of his lips tip up, and he parts them to say something, but nothing comes out. Wetting his lips, he breaks eye contact—something he only does when he’s uncomfortable. “I’m so fucking … mad. Sad? Disappointed?”
My thumb brushes the top of his hand. “I know. Maybe I should’ve been harder on you about owning up to?—”
His blazing stare finds me. “Don’t. None of this is your fault, Lain. None of it.” He pauses to re-center himself. “Don’t think for a second that you hold any ounce of blame. I wouldn’t forgive myself if you did.”
I want to argue with him, to tell him that it was my job, both as his PT and as his friend. That my heart has felt like it weighs a thousand pounds since I saw that hit on the ice.
“I’m serious, Lainey. This is all on me. All of it.” He sits up taller and leans toward me, his hand stretching forward and sliding along my cheek and into my hair as he cups my jaw.
My body catches fire, my brain turning to mush as his thumb brushes back and forth.
“O-okay,” I stammer. “Promise me something?”
“Anything,” he breathes without skipping a beat.
“That if you get too stuck in your head, you’ll let me know so I can help get you out.” I lean into his touch instinctively. “I know it might be hard, but I don’t want you isolating yourself when I’mrighthere.”
Slowly, he tucks his bottom lip between his teeth, his hooded eyes dropping to my nose and lower before he catches himself and meets my gaze again. “I promise.”
Oh God, I need to get out of here because that look in his eyes, that hunger, is driving me insane, and I don’t trust myself not to pounce if it continues.
“I should head to bed,” I whisper, forcefully looking at his long lashes to prevent myself from staring at his full lips.
“Yeah,” he murmurs softly. “You, uh … can sleep in here if you want. Like old times.”
Like old times … except the tension between us has now been building for over thirteen years.
His face saddens, his eyes glossing over as he disappears to somewhere else in his mind.
“If you want, yeah.” My voice is higher pitched than normal.
Dammit. I should have said no and left. Oh God, this is not a good idea. Taking a deep breath, I try to get my shit together, forcing the intrusive dirty thoughts of Jensen from my mind.
I’m his friend.
