* * *
I haven’t slept a wink in going on three days. I begged Declan at one point to knock me out, either by medication or by hitting me. He refused to do either. So many people have been in and out of this room since the other night. Men I’ve killed, my parents, Lee, my brothers, hell, even my sister-in-laws came in to remind me how much they fucking hate me. Every time someone would show up, Declan would stay with me until they left. He’d promise me the heinous shit they said wasn’t true and run his hands through my hair until I mostly calmed down. My paranoia is at an all-time high, and my head is killing me.
Honestly, maybe I would rather die. At least then all this shit would stop. Declan climbed out of bed about five minutes ago. He only leaves me to go to the bathroom or grab food and water. He walks back into the room now with a tumbler of water and some toast. Just the smell makes my stomach churn, and I shake my head.
“Come on, Mac, you can either take small sips or we can tie you down and put the IV back in. It’s your choice. But at this point you’re so dehydrated if you don’t drink this youwilldie. And I don’t mean you’ll fall asleep and die. I mean you will die a slow and painful death as your organs slowly stop working. It will be excruciating and horrible.”
“I’ll try the water if you just shut the hell up. My head feelslike someone’s stabbing me.” I groan.
He smiles in victory, “Deal.”
He brings the straw to my mouth because I’m too fucking drained to even hold my head up. Taking a few tentative sips, I push the straw out of my mouth with my tongue and wait. I’m terrified to move from fear that I’ll throw up again. After a couple of minutes of holding the water down, my excited eyes come to Declan’s.
“Chill. Just because you’re keeping that down doesn’t mean that you can chug this water.”
“Fine.” I’m pouting, I know I am, but I don’t care. This has been the worst week and a half of my fucking life.
“We’ll take small sips every five or so minutes and work ourselves back up, okay?”
I nod in response. My anger for everyone else has pretty much dissipated. Now I’m just pissed at myself. Dec didn’t have to put his life on pause for me. But he did without hesitation, because he’s an amazing brother. Just another reason why I admire him as much as I do.
“Thank you.” It’s simple, but I mean it with every ounce of my being.
“Of course, it’ll be okay. I promise.” He smiles gently before moving over to the desk against the wall in between the beds. He pulls out his phone and begins working while I lay here and reflect back on my shitty ass decisions. Finally, once the sun goes down, and I’ve kept down all the water and two pieces of toast I’ve had today, sleep finds me. Maybe now it’ll get better.
20
Chapter Twenty
Lee
It’s been a week since I’ve heard from Mac and two since I’ve seen him. My heart aches with the knowledge that he’s out there struggling through the worst of this without me. I know it isn’t my job to fix him; really, I get that. At the same time I’m in love with this man, and he came to me and held me while I was sick. He dropped it all to be there for me, but I couldn’t do the same for him. The guilt eats me up as I wait for updates from my brothers or Declan himself.
Jakob’s phone buzzes, and I practically leap for it. He snatches it off the table, his brow furrowed at whatever name is on his screen. Swiping to answer, he cautiously brings the phone to his ear.
“Hello?”
“Hey, it’s me. How is she?” Mac’s gravely voice slides over my body, lighting it up from the inside out. I lunge for thephone, but before I can grab it, Jake pushes me away by my face.
“I think the more pressing question is, how are you?” He asks skeptically. The last time I spoke to Mac he was upset and panicking. I couldn’t help him through the phone, and the man on the other end sounded nothing like him. Not even the things he was saying, but his actual voice sounded like a whole other person.
“I’m good. I’m fourteen days sober. I see my new therapist virtually every day, and I’ll start my first meeting when I come home tomorrow. I want to talk about Lee, though. How is she? How’s she feeling? Has she been hurting? Sad? Can I please send her something?” He sounds better than I’ve ever heard him before, and it’s then that I realize he was probably under the influence every time I’ve spoken to or interacted with him.
“Yeah, you can talk to her, but Byrne? I swear to God, if you upset her like the last time you guys talked, I’ll restrict these calls. Understood?”
“Understood.” He answers so quickly. Zero hesitation.
Jake hands me the phone before kissing the top of my head and walking into the kitchen to pretend he isn’t eavesdropping.
“Mac?”
“Beautiful. It’s so good to hear your voice.” He releases what sounds like all the air in his lungs.
“How have you been? How are you feeling? I’ve been so worried.”
“Hey, I’m fine. Calm down, baby. I feel a lot better today. I slept last night. I’ve just been worried about you. I’m so sorry I upset you last week. I’m sorry I added toyour stress. How have you been?”
“I’m okay. When can I see you again?” I’m practically begging at this point. I’ve craved just laying with him and snuggling.
