What is she talking about? I saw her last night. “Baby, are you sure you’re feeling okay? I just saw you last night. Remember? I held you while you slept once Jakob got there.”
“Mac, that was a week ago.”
“No, no, that can’t be right. I was just with you, my brothers brought me here. I got sick, then fell asleep. That was just last night.” I begin feeling suffocated. Like My limbs are tied to cinder blocks and dragging me under water. My lungs burnwith the lack of oxygen.
Lelonie’s soothing voice cuts through the whooshing in my ears, “It’s okay, baby. Shh. Take deep steady breaths. You’re okay. You were having seizures, and you’ve been out of it for a few days. It’s okay. Declan thinks you’re past the worst of it.” My eyes burn with tears, and all I’m able to do is lie here and let them run down my temples as I try to take in shaky breaths.
Declan comes running into the room, and it isn’t until he grabs my hand and wipes my eyes that I realize the whimpering noise I was hearing was coming from me.
“I don’t like being tied up. I want to be let go.” My voice comes out calm, almost deadly.
“Tell Lee you’ll talk to her later, Mac. You don’t want to stress her out right now.” Anger surges through my veins.
“Stress her out? What about me? Huh, Declan? I’m the one strapped to this motherfucking bed.” I roar. My anger taking over all of my senses. He says something to Lee that I don’t catch because I don’t fucking care right now. Once he hangs up, he brings his narrowed eyes to me.
“Good job, jackass. Now she’s upset, and even more worried about you. You aren’t talking to her until you get your ass completely dried out and into fucking therapy and meetings. I’m disappointed in you.” He shakes his head and walks out of the room. I yell at his back about how much I hate him. I fucking hate them all. My brothers, my sisters-in-law, Lee. Every single one of them who won’t unstrap me from this goddamn bed can burn in hell for all I care.
* **
I feel like a fucking woman on her period. My emotions are all over the place. I can’t sleep, everything aches, and I need a drink. When I say need, I genuinely meanneedin a survival type of way. I feel like I’m going to fucking die. My heart rate is through the roof. Dec and the doc finally untied me after deciding I probably wasn’t going to seize anymore, but it doesn’t matter. I don’t have the energy to do shit. I barely have the energy to move my head to the puke bucket every few hours.
Declan’s making me eat and drink water, but it never stays down. I’ve never been so thirsty in my entire life. I’m chugging water just to have a few seconds of relief before it comes back up. I do this over and over. We’ve lined the bed with towels, and got me just in my boxers because I’m sweating so fucking much. I feel like electricity is pulsing throughout my body. My brain feels like it’s constantly glitching out, then restarting. I want to sleep this off so badly, but instead I’m lying here staring at the ceiling trying to calm my anxiety.
So. Much. Fucking. Anxiety.
I’m half convinced that I’m going to die here. I’m so fucking pissed that I let it get this bad. What a fucking asshole. If I just wouldn’t have picked the shit up almost nine years ago, I wouldn’t be here right now. The desire to go back to fourteen year old me and shake him is almost too much to handle. Declan is leaning against the side of my bed. Besides showering and cooking, he doesn’t leave my side. It doesn’t matter how mean I am to him, and make no mistake, I’ve been a dick. I want to deck him for not letting me have at the very least a shot of something, but I don’t even have the energy to even do that.
This shit is never going to end. Just as I start to attempt whatI’m positive is another failed attempt at sleep, I hear something. I try my hardest to focus on the voice as it becomes more clear.
“Quill, my sweet baby.”Is that? No, it can’t be, but it is.
“Ma?” I ask quietly.
My Ma walks into the room with my Da in tow.
“What are you doing, Quill?” My Ma asks in confusion.
“I’m so sorry. I’m in over my head. Please. Help me.” My parents look at me in pity and disappointment.
“Mac. Hey, buddy. Who are you talking to?” Declan puts his face directly in my line of sight.
“I’m talking to Ma and Da. Look. They’re right there. Pointing over to our parents Dec follows my finger, then turns back to me.
“Oh yeah, what are they saying?”
“I don’t know. What did you guys come back for?” I turn my attention back to my parents.
“Don’t sleep, my boy.” My Da says in a stern voice.
“If you do, you’ll surely die.” My Ma answers right behind them.
Panic consumes my body. “Dec. Dec, did you hear that? I’m going to die. I can’t sleep. I’m going to die. I can’t. I don’t want to do that to Rhett and the new baby.” My wide eyes come to him. “Please Declan, please don’t let me die.”
My parents turn and walk out the door as I cry out for them to come back. The next thing I know, Declan is moving into bed with me. He sits up, leaning against the headboard so my head is leaning into his shorts-covered leg. His hand comes down to gently stroke my soaked hair.
“Shh. It’s okay, Mac. You aren’t going to die. I promise. I won’t let you.”
Typically this would be way too close for my brothers andme to get as grown ass men, but right now I don’t fucking care. I want my parents, I want Lee, and I don’t want to die. I let him run his fingers through my long, sweaty hair. It’s too fucking much. I’m cutting it off tomorrow.
