Her hand finds mine, shaking it. “Zara. Do you live around here? Adam and I are always looking for more couples to hang out with… if you have someone, of course.” Her irises are questionable, and they flit over to where Evan’s staring intensely at me from our table. He looks deathly uncomfortable, his fingers gripping Leo’s wet wipe so tightly that water is seeping out of it and dripping onto the white tablecloth.
It isn’t anger, but more like he’s conflicted—feeling out of his control.
“Oh, I mean, I’m just…”
A shadow passes behind Zara’s eyes, her red-stained lips pursing at the same time her vision lands on Evan. Then Leo. They’re blank, but she takes the entirety of the child in and mutters, “Oh, right.” She blinks, and it’s slow and controlled. Polished. Like every brush of her eyelashes against her cheeks removes the small sliver of recognition her greens hold.
The tension is so thick I can feel it pressing up against my skin, and I shift my weight from one foot to the other, wanting to desperately leave this conversation.
Zara’s pupils empty out while she surveys Leo. Not a trace of loving, wishing or wanting in them. Not even resentment, as if she’s trained herself for this moment, which is a bizarre reaction.
Then it clicks, and suddenly I feel a wave of nausea. It can’t be, but the facts all point to the same thing.
Evan told me about Leo’s mother. That she just got married to someone rich and famous. Is happy. Living the lavish life she so desperately wanted.
The way she’s looking at Evan and Leo—it’s like she’s seeing her past flash before her eyes, and within a second, she snaps her neck in the opposite direction.
Now that I’m looking at her more closely, Leo has the same button nose as her, delicate and freckled. And the jealousy I feel is like a sharp stab in my ribs.
“My feet hurt. I’m going to sit down.” She whisks herself away, followed by a strange look from her husband. He offers me a small, sorry smile before chasing after his wife, who is marching towards the other side of the room, where they were seated for the meal.
My stomach lurches. All it takes is one look from Evan to confirm my suspicion, and with compressed lungs, I head towards the back door of the hotel. The garden is empty, with picnic benches and multicoloured lanterns dotted around. The cool summer air dances along the bare skin of my arms, causing goosebumps to pebble up, but I need it with how hot my body feels right now.
I hear Evan’s footsteps behind me. “Flo.”
Spinning, I say, “Did you know she was going to be here tonight, Evan?”
“Yes, I had a feeling.”
“And is that why you wanted to bring me along? To show Zara that you’ve moved on?”
He looks at me like I’ve just slapped him in the face, and regret clouds me. “Flo, of course not.” He curses under his breath. “I tried to back out of this, but I wasn’t given a choice. I was going to leave Leo at home, but he loves parties, and frankly, I’m not going to let Zara’s presence ruin experiences for my son.” Evan shakes his head at me. “I never asked you to come with me because I wanted torub it in her face, Florence. Having you here with me felt right, because in the short amount of time you’ve been here, you’ve become a very important person in mine and Leo’s lives.”
My lungs draw in a breath, and the moment stretches out as a burn rises behind my eyes. “Did you see the way she looked at him, Evan? Her own kid. It was like she didn’t even know him.”
He dips his chin down low. “It’s not something I wasn’t expecting.”
“And now she’s fucking pregnant. I mean, what’s so special about that kid, huh? What does that child have that Leo doesn’t?” Tears are dribbling down my cheeks now. “What did he ever do to deserve his own biological mother looking him in the eye, and walking awayagain, just like she did when he was born?”
Evan’s face is expressionless.
"That child in there,—”I point towards the hotel—”feels like he's a bad kid because ofher, and he deserves more than that.”
“You’re right. He does deserve more than that,” is Evan’s calm and collected response, and when I leave the floor open for him to continue, nothing comes.
It’s unnervingly still around us. Only our breaths can be heard.
“You don’t even seem upset, Evan.” I wipe at my nose, eyebrows pulled together. “His mother is in there, and you don’t even want to confront her? Askher why she did the things she did? Ask her why she’s lying to everyone, including her husband, about having a child before him?”
That sparks something inside of Evan, and his pupils shift to coal-like before he inhales sharply. “Again, you’re right, Flo. I’m not upset. I’m past that point now. What’s confronting Zara going to do? Spilling the secret in front of everyone here tonight? Holding her accountable for her actions?”
My face falls.
“She’s had years to respond to my old messages, keeping her up to date on Leo. Him hitting his milestones. His first words. His first birthday. I never got a response, so I stopped. What would begging someone who doesn’t want to be in her son’s life do? If I’ve learned one thing from all of this, it’s not to chase someone who hates the idea of being caught. I have no feelings for Zara, not sure I ever really did, and that part of my life is now behind me. Would I like Leo to grow up knowing his biological mother? Of fucking course I would, because I lost one of my parents when I was young and I don’t want the same for him, but that woman in there doesn’t want it, and like you said, Leo deserves better than for someone to be a part of his life because they feel like they have to, not because they actually want to. My son willnotreceive a half-ass attempt at being a parent. I won’t allow it. He deserves all or nothing.”
Evan’s eyes are glassy, and his hands wrap around my waist.
“I’m okay with not knowing why she did what she did, Flo. I don’t need the answer, because frankly, I don’t think it’ll make sense to me. And I can live with that.”
