My mother feigns innocence. “Yes? Is that a problem?”
Betrayal rockets through me. I hadn’t asked much from my mother, but the one thing I’d requested was to keep the fact that I’d been let go from my job to herself, and she’d agreed. I thought we had come to a mutual understanding that we wouldn’t reveal that information to anyone.
“Why?”
I rarely feel embarrassed, but knowing the cheerleading squad know that, at the age of twenty-five, I had to depend on Mommy to rescue me from a tough spot makes me want the ground to swallow me whole.
No doubt the word has spread.
If Poppy knows, then it won’t be long until Nathan finds out, too.
He’s going to think I’m a mess.
“What’s your problem?” I bite, snatching my bag from the table and pulling my coat on. “I’m here, helping your squad. Why do you continue to try and make things difficult for me?”
My mother sets her mug down a little too harshly, the green liquid sloshing over the side onto the granite countertop. “Mae, please, not everything is about you. Don’t be so self-centred.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t pretend you haven’t been trying to hurt me. You continuously treat me like crap, and I’ve been nothing but nice to you.” I take a deep breath. “I’m sorry you lost Dad, okay? I’m fucking sorry, but I did too. And it’s neither one of our faults. But I don’t know why you’re trying to torment me as if this is some kind of punishment. I’m your fucking daughter.”
My mother releases a small scoff. She’s shocked at my outburst, and I swear I see the tiniest glimmer of guilt flash in her eyes before she covers it up. “Sometimes I really don’t understand how you think, Mae. What do you want me to say, hmm? That I’m sorry? That I want us to build bridges and work this out?” She pauses, a blank look masking her face. “Well, I’m not going to.”
My chest is tight, and I feel physically sick. My bottom lip is wobbling, and I drop my eyes in disbelief.
My mother is a master gaslighter, and I don’t understand how my father tolerated her for so long. They’re nothing alike.
“Nothing?” I ask her, shaking my head in disbelief. “You feel nothing?” My hands shake, and a chill wracks my spine. I don’t want to be here. I feel like I can’t breathe.
My mother stares at me, blinking and turning her back to me.
Like she always does.
Before I cry in front of her, I leave the house. I don’t know where I’m going, but I need to get far away from her.
Does she really hold that much resentment towards me just because I couldn’t give her the carbon copy of herself as a daughter? Just because I had a better relationship with my father than with her? Just because I couldn’t beherversion of successful?
I know she still loves Dad deep down. I know she’s hurt, but we all are.
And she has the nerve to call me self-centred.
Tears leak from my eyes as I drive, and I wipe at my nose, cursing myself for allowing myself to crumble. But I’ve been bottling it up for so long it’s taking over. Consuming me. Bleeding into every cell in my body. It feels impossible to think about anything else.
I stare at my white knuckles as my hands clutch the steering wheel tighter, the metal groaning under the weight. What’s this car made of? Tissue paper?
Poppy’s with her mother tonight, Flo’s seeing a movie with her work colleagues and Cam’s on a date, so I either drive around aimlessly all night or see if Nathan’s busy.
My mind is whirling a mile a minute, and I drive to his house before I can talk myself out of it.
Sitting with my thoughts momentarily, I gaze out into the darkness towards his gated residence. I grab my things and buzz, swallowing my shame.
There’s no response, though, and I rest my forehead against the white brick for a few seconds before I shake my head.
Coming to Nathan’s house was a stupid idea.
But then I hear the click of the speaker, and Nathan says, “If you’re another cold caller, I swear to God—”
“Um, sorry, I just…” My voice trails off.
“Mae?”
