She looked perplexed. “Like roleplay?”
I shrugged. “I mean, sort of. We could get as into it as we wanted.”
“Colt.” Vi shook her head. “I think we just need to be friends. If this is all too much?—”
“It’s not. It’s not. Not at all. And you don’t have to say yes. I just wanted to offer this to help you out. I’m not just trying to get with you.”
She narrowed her eyes. “What’s in it for you, though? I mean, besides,” she gestured to her body, “a piece of this.”
This part was harder to articulate without offending her. I was terrible about being vulnerable with my mental health. I let the wall down a little for Violet, but it was hard for me to trust anyone with it. Men, and hockey players especially, were expected to buck up and deal with it. I didn’t want to guilt-trip her, but I’d have done myself a disservice to keep hiding the impact of her actions.
“I’d know you weren’t going to leave. There was a toll on me too, the times you left because of sex. Especially the second time. And before you start,” she’d already opened her mouth to object, “you don’t need to apologize for that anymore. You can both know you did what you needed to do and that it had consequences.”
She nodded slowly, her chest rising and falling with a deep breath. “Okay. Two friends. Former lovers. Regaining trust by having sex from romance novels. Romance novel friends-with-benefits?”
I shrugged. “We don’t have to call ourselves anything. No labels. No drama. Just us, being friends and having sex.”
Her eyes were worried. I let her sit with it for a minute.
“What’s going through your head?” I asked.
“It’s really not any of my business.”
I tipped my head to the side. “Violet, you know I’m an open book. I don’t care. Say it.”
“Are you having sex with other people? Seeing other people?”
I was firmly able to answer that question. “No.”
“What if you meet someone you want to date?”
Who in the fuck did she think I’d want to date other than her? How could I even want that?
“I’m not scouting for anyone else,” I said.
“But, what if the love of your life pops up?”
I rolled my lips between my teeth. “You know what, Violet? If that comes up, you’ll be the first to know.”
“No bullshit,” she said, pointing a finger.
“No bullshit,” I agreed.
She was quiet for so long, I feared she’d given up on me. “I’d want it to be double blind, so it’s fair.”
“Like, blindfolded?” I asked.
She chuckled. “No, sorry. I want to make sure neither of us influences the other’s scene choices, so we’re doing the scenes we both like the most.”
She pulled her laptop into her lap and slipped her glasses on.
“Are you going to science our sex arrangement?” I asked. “You should just tell me which scenes you want to do.”
“No, I want it to be fair!” she objected.
“No, I think you’re too embarrassed to tell me what you like.”
She gave me a placid smile. “And you’ll see what I like when you refer to our shared spreadsheet.”
