His jaw clicked forward and his voice dropped. “I got turned on, Violet. Not grossed out.”
My mouth turned into a desert. “Oh.”
Colton’s eyes passed over the screen, his voice husky. “I remember everything about you. You need to know that there is absolutely nothing about you that is gross.”
“O-okay. Thanks?”
“Sorry. Now I’m making it weird.” He rocked around in whatever chair he was sitting in. His fingers pinched his hair, little sections sticking out like he was in a barber’s chair. “I’m trying so hard not to cross the line with you, Vi. I know you just want to be friends, and I completely respect that. I want to give you the space you need and still be there for you. I just got you back and I don’t want to lose you again because I screw something up.”
“Do you not want to read together?” I asked. When did my voice get so dry and wispy?
“No, I do. I enjoy it, but it does make this kind of stuff comeup. I don’t want to push you into anything you’re not ready for.”
I swallowed hard. “You’re not. Not at all. We should probably just address the elephant in the room. We’ve had sex. A lot. And it was good . . .”
Colt stared at the screen, eyes expressionless. “Until I hurt you.”
I licked and bit my lips. “I know you didn’t mean to. And I hurt you too.” Tears rose in me, unbidden, and I fought them with a pathetic sniffle. “I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t mean to hurt me either,” Colt said. “I know that.”
I nodded, still stuffing down a bigger crying spell. “I don’t want to be fragile.”
Colt’s eyes were soft, brows drawn. “You aren’t, baby. Someone hurt you.”
How? How could he still call me baby after everything? How could he still harbor any affection for me? But he did. He so clearly did.
I grabbed a tissue from my nightstand and honked my nose into it. I coughed a humorless laugh. “You know what’s really stupid about all of this? I miss sex. I read this stuff and it makes me crave that connection so badly.” I looked up to find Colt listening, so I went on. “I want to be that kind of woman, you know? One who can get bent over, and spanked, and can deepthroat, and get used in the best ways, but I want it to be my choice this time. I want the control and the power, but sex never goes according to plan. And I’m afraid if I start that up again, I’ll do exactly what I did before.”
Colton nodded, looking pensive. He drew a deep breath. “What if there was a plan?”
TWENTY
COLTON
OCTOBER | NEWARK, NEW JERSEY
Violet stared backat me through my phone screen, mouth agape. “A p-plan?”
This idea was absurd. Admittedly extremely absurd. I was assuming a lot of things: that Violet was ready for any kind of sex, that she would want to do it with me, that I could handle it and separate the feelings from the physical. I waved my hands.
“You don’t have to say yes to this. There is no pressure from me,” I started. “But if it’s something that will help you, I’m happy to do it.”
Vi eyed me sidelong. “What do you have in mind?”
“What if we did scenes from the books?”
Violet’s eyebrows shot up. “‘Did’ scenes? Like . . . have sex like they do in the books?”
“Hear me out.”
Violet finally laughed. “Every great plan starts with ‘hear me out.’”
I smirked. “I know. That’s why I said it.”
“Alright. I’m listening.”
I sighed. “If we did scenes from books, you’d know what toexpect. There wouldn’t be any surprises. We’d have a script, or a template to work from.”
