“No, they’re just . . . really thoughtful.”
I cocked my head. “Gifts are supposed to be?”
“They are,” he agreed, sighing and turning to examine me, still in my wedding gown. “Um, I got you something else too. Something to wear, if you want.”
“Oh?”
He produced a large, flat box that was surprisingly light. Eyeing him sidelong, I pulled the ribbon and lifted the lid. Inside, nestled in tissue paper was some delicate white silk and lace. I gasped as I lifted it by the straps.
A very, very sexy teddy.
I was getting emotional. Why was I getting emotional?
Because I only wanted sex if it came with the possibility of love. We’d let the steam off. I couldn’t do more without more from him.
“It’s beautiful, Jack,” I said, my hands and voice trembling. I needed to clear the air. “Did you expect something of me tonight?”
He shook his head. “I expect nothing. I wanted to hold up my end of the bargain with nice things for you.”
I nodded. “You did good. It’s gorgeous. But I meant what I said at the courthouse. Tonight was so nice, but . . .”
Jack rolled his lips between his teeth. “I know.”
“Unless . . .”
He split his thumb and forefinger over his eyebrows. “I want to, Mara. I want to be that guy for you. You deserve that.” His eyes were wet as he looked into mine, drawing ragged breathsbetween each statement. “I’m scared. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to say it again. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to feel it. It was just too hard before.”
“With her?”
“With her. Everything was so transactional. Contingent. I was only worth what I could do for her.”
My brow wrinkled. “Isn’t that our arrangement? An even trade?”
Jack pressed his lips together and looked at the floor between us. “I guess you’re right. It’s no different.”
“It could be different,” I said, trying to get through to him. I thought I’d convinced him. I thought with all the kisses and cuddles on our date, our sweet time on the beach, I thought maybe it’d be different. I thought maybe he’d see he was worthy.
But I couldn’t force him to be open to love. And Jack’s silence spoke louder than his actions. “Thanks for the gifts. I’m going to get ready for bed.”
I slipped into my normal pajamas and went to brush my teeth. Jack used a separate bathroom and managed to beat me back to the bed. He was turned on his side, facing away from me. There was no way he was asleep, but he didn’t speak.
Guess that settled that.
I got into bed, the warmth from the electric blanket feeling especially decadent on my forever-frozen toes.
But despite the warmth, I felt empty. I turned to face away from him too. If he could play that game, so could I.
I started my ritual of taking deep breaths to settle in for sleep, trying to come up with something to think about while I went to sleep that didn’t involve the man on the other side of the bed.
On my fourth breath, a bare foot drifted over my calf.Maybe just a fluke.
Then I heard the rustle and felt the thump of Jack turning onto his back, then his side to face me.
A soft fingertip stroked up the back of my thigh. My breath stuttered as my hand reached back to link with his.
What was this? An olive branch?
He held my hand firmly for a moment, then sank his fingers into my thigh. I turned onto my back. Where he faced me, his breath feathered over my clavicles and down my breasts. I wished I had on that sexy little tissue of a nightie he got for me. His fingertips dragged up the inside of my arm and my whole body rolled, warmth pooling between my legs and a sigh escaping my lips.
