Christmas lights decorated the palm trees at the edge of the beach, and I had the stray thought that I felt just as lit up with Mara pressed into my side.
“I don’t think I can have more than one,” she said as she drained her can.
“Nah, let’s go home.”
“‘Kay.”
But rather than getting up, we just sat looking at each other. “You’re really beautiful today, Mara.”
“So are you, Jackie baby. Every day.”
I cupped her neck. “I think I picked the right one.”
We met in a kiss, and for a moment, I felt a spark of hope. This woman made me feel things I never thought I’d feel again. What am I saying ‘again?’ I never felt them at all. I felt this surging, protective, proud love for my kids. The way I loved Sydney was desperate, imploring her to care about me, begging her for scraps and forever getting strung along.
But Mara didn’t do that. Mara had an open heart, and she left the door open for me.
Mara made me feel things I’d never felt before, and I had no idea what to do with that.
THIRTY-FIVE
MARA
NOVEMBER
“Okay, open your eyes.”
Jack stood by our bed, both of us still in our wedding clothes, flourishing his arms to a purple blanket.
Our bed. I didn’t have my own bed anymore.
“A blanket?” I said, trying to sound excited.
He bent to hold up a plug. “Anelectricblanket. And I put another one downstairs by your spot on the couch.”
“Aw, Jack,” I said, walking to him and hugging him. “I got you a little something too.”
I went into the closet and pulled out a small package, extending it to him.
“You didn’t have to get me anything.”
I rolled my eyes. “Shut up, wiener. Open it.”
Jack ripped the deep burgundy paper to find a set of fancy binoculars.
“I thought it might help with your birdwatching.”
Jack swallowed hard and stared at the binoculars in his hand.
“I can return it if you already have some.”
“They’re perfect,” he choked out.
“Okay? I’m glad you like them?”
“I love them, “ he said, crossing to set them next to his jewelry dish on the dresser. He unclipped his cuff links and put them in the dish, not looking at me. “Thank you.”
“Did I do something wrong?” I asked.
