She squeezed our joined hands. “That’s a lot, Benny. Definitely a weird situation. I know that wasn’t easy for you to say. I’m glad you shared it.”
I hung my head between us. “This is all pretty intimidating, Jessie.”
“You scared of me?”
“No. Scared of me. I don’t want to end up like them.”
She pulled back so I had to meet her eyes. “If you get scared, just squeeze my hand.”
I pulled her into a crushing hug. “What if I just squeeze you?”
She laughed into my neck. “That works, too.”
I held her face in my hands, her soft smile dissolving the training wheels that held me back from love. I wanted to grow into a person who could give and receive love, and not just hide from deeper commitments. I needed to be that for Jess, for myself. I brought her in for a kiss, sealing my trust in her, in the delicate new bond we shared. We kissed for a long while on the beach, not even giving a shit that it was the middle of the day. This beautiful, wonderful person was giving me a chance to love her, and I was damn well going to give it my best shot.
Chapter33
Jessie
Ben handled me with a new tenderness after our beach date.Thus far, our sex had consisted of a lot of chatter and urgency. But after the beach, Ben took me home and took it slow.
He held my hand in the car all the way home, drawing it to his lips for kisses every so often. His amber eyes shone with hope, and promise, and honor. When we got to our apartment, we took our shoes off at the door.
“What time do you have to be at the arena?”
“Around four.”
I glanced at my watch, a thin vintage metal piece I’d found at a shop in Encino. “Don’t you need your nap?”
He stepped toward me, cupping my cheeks in his hands. “No.” His lips met mine, soft and deferential. “I need you.”
He’d been sweet all afternoon, but this made my stomach jump. “Me?”
“You, Jessalyn. It’s hard for me to say everything I’m feeling right now, because it’s all so big. You make me feel so much, and I just want to show you. I want my body to be yours for a little while.”
My eyes jumped between his, completely caught by his admission.
“That okay?”
I grinned up at him. “Very okay.”
“Come on, gorgeous.” Mikey took my hand and brought me into his room, closing the door behind us. “I’ll eat you on the kitchen counter another time. He doesn’t get to hear this. The way I make you feel is all for me. He missed out on you, and I’m not sharing a single scrap.”
I wrinkled my nose. “Let’s not talk about him.”
Mikey cursed himself. “My big mouth again. I really am trying to talk less.”
“Your big mouth is part of you, though. And I’m into you.”
“I’m beyond into you, Jessalyn,” he said, pulling me into the bathroom. “My every hope and dream is wrapped up in you. Ilook at you and see things I wanted but never thought I could have. I see myself becoming a better man because I want to be that for you.”
He shoved my leggings down and hoisted me up on the bathroom counter between the two sinks. As he peeled my leggings off my feet, he continued talking. “I see you by my side for all the events I have to go to. I see you getting to know my ridiculous friends. I see your snuggles after I get home from a road trip.”
He shucked my shirt off and followed with his own, kissing the space where my neck meets my shoulder. “I see me driving you to work when you’re tired, and bringing you coffee. Summers off together where I can take you to Italy or Japan or wherever the hell you want to go. Fucking Disneyland if that’s what you like, and I’ll ride those stupid teacups with you all fucking day just to see you smile. I see myself facing my fears so I can be enough for you.”
I pulled back and grinned at him. “You said you couldn’t put it into words. Seems like you found a way.”
He chuckled self-consciously. “You know me. Can’t stop talking.”
