“Birdy, I love you more than anyone in this world. You’re my love, my best friend, my family. If you don’t want to work or finishschool, you don’t have to. I can take care of you. I know we’re young. But I know it’s you for me. Just you. If you want to start our forever now, we can.”
My mouth hung open. I wasn’t sure I’d breathed since I saw that tiny box. Guy watched me, waiting for an answer. I gave none. I was genuinely struck speechless for once in my life. Time stood still. Or maybe it didn’t. The clock in his kitchen seemed to carry on just fine, tick-tick-ticking away.
“Guy.” I was unable to say anything else.
“Kitty, if now isn’t the right time, that’s okay, too. I just . . . wanted to give you the option.”
“Is this what you want?” I asked, finally finding some words.
“I want whatever will make you happy,ma puce.”His voice was slow, cautious.
The tears came to me. “When did you buy this?”
“A few weeks ago,” he said. “I planned to hold onto it longer, but I don’t know. After what we’ve talked about, it felt like I should at least offer you everything I have to give.”
“You’d marry me just to keep me?” I asked, still not sure how I felt about that.
“If I could have you here every day, I would. I know it’s selfish. I know you want your career. I want you to have what you want. But just in case that’s not what you want, I’m here.”
“Guy, I don’t know what to say. Is that what you want? Me to be a good hockey wife?”
“I want you to be yourself, Kitty. You don’t have to fit a certain mold. I’m not comparing you to anybody.” He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “We can stay engaged for a long time if you want. I just want to stay in your life.”
It was hard to make sense of the noisy emotions swirling in my head. I was honored, flattered, and thrilled in one way. But moreso, I was horrified that he’d even think comedy would be something I could give up, especially before I’d even gotten started.
“But I can’t be myself if I give up everything to come be with you. We can’t have it both ways. I can’t give 50% at school and 50% in comedy and 50% to you. There’s not enough me to go around.”
“You don’t have to say yes, Kitty. I know this is a lot. I’m not trying to control you. I won’t think you don’t love me if you say no. But know that I’ll give you whatever it takes to make you happy.” His lips went into a pout and his eyes rounded. “Even if that means we need to break up for now.”
Oh, I didn’t like where that was headed. Not one bit. “You’re making it sound like it’s all my decision, Guy. You know our distance has distracted you, too. That’s not fair.”
“I’m getting by,” he sniffed. “I’m okay to keep going like this. But I get it if it’s not working for you.”
“Do you hear yourself? It’s not just me that’s suffering, Guy! Don’t pin it all back on me! You’re not happy either.”
“Well, I’d rather be unhappy with you than unhappy alone,” he snapped.
“For the next two and a half years?!” I asked, raising my voice. “We both deserve better than that.”
“I’ll wait forever, Birdy. No one could take your place.”
“Look, I don’t want to let you go. I don’t want this to be happening. But it is. I won’t be happy if I give up my dreams to be with you. You’ll feel guilty about it. We’ll still be miserable,” I pointed out.
Guy put his head in his hands. “This was a stupid fucking idea.”
I softened. I wasn’t trying to hurt him more, but I wouldn’t stand for him making himself the victim while I was the villain.
“It wasn’t,” I said, taking his hand. He was opening his entire heart to me, and I wanted to be careful with it. “It was a risk, but it shows me how much you value what we have. I do, too.”
I took a deep, shaky breath, not wanting to deliver the next part. “But I can’t say yes right now, Guy.”
He bit his lip, hanging his head. “Okay.”
“I’m nineteen. I go to the top school for what I want to do. I still want my dreams. I want to be independent and have my own career. I’d never ask you to give up hockey. And I know you mean well, but it kind of hurts that you’re asking me to give up comedy. I need to focus these next few years, and if we’re struggling that whole time, it won’t help either of us. And I hope you can understand that.”
“I do. I want those things for you, too. But I also want you here.”
“I know,” was all I could manage. Guy opened and closed his mouth a few times, emotion building.
