I’m flopped out on the sagging couch with one of the fans pointed right at my face when my phone chirps a text.
Mags:Get ready. Picking you up in 20mins
Me: Ready to go where?
Mags: Lake day, baby!
My first thought is to refuse. On a hot day like this, the lake will be filled with people I used to know and I’m not sure if I’m ready to face them but the sweat sliding down my skin convinces me that I can’t stay one more minute in this hot box so I text her back that I’ll be ready and roll off the couch and dash to the shower. I search all my suitcases and boxes for my tasteful one-piece swimsuit and kick the last one to the side when I come up empty. With a frustrated groan, I start pulling out the drawers of my old dresser and hold up the yellow bikini that used to be my seventeen-year-old favorite.
I chew on my bottom lip in indecision. This isn’t the kind of thing I wear anymore but a quick look at the time tells me I have no choice if I want to cool off in the water at the lake. With a shake of my head, I slide the bikini on and pull out another drawer to grab a pair of cut-off jean shorts. I frown at how low they sit, surprised that I’m thinner than I was at seventeen.
Jason’s voice sounds in my head, “It’s a beautiful birthday cake, Rain, but just one bite or you’ll have to double your workout time at the gym tomorrow.”
The memory makes shame wash over me that I went along with that and only had one bite of the cake the waiter had presented to me on my last birthday. Shaking off the memory, I dig out a belt to keep the shorts from falling off and top the outfit with a crisp white blouse with a wide collar and rolled-up sleeves. The mix of my old style with my new is an interesting combination that I don’t hate. I snag an old retro pair of aviators from the dresser top and anchor my long hair in a figure eight at the back of my head before sliding on a pair of sandals. I hear Maggie and Hetter pull up in front of the trailer followed by a couple of insistent blasts from a horn. Hurriedly, I grab a beach towel and my phone and head for the door.
As I bounce down the stairs Maggie hangs out of the passenger window of the truck, throws her arms up, and yells, “LAKE DAY, bitch!”
I laugh at her excitement and shove her back in so I can slide in next to her.
I glance through the back window into the truck bed and see a mound of lawn chairs, coolers, and inflatable tubes.
“Shit, I did bring anything but a towel. Let me just go grab a few…”
“Nope! Got ya covered, Rainy-day.” Hetter tells me as Maggie cranks the stereo up so Kid Rock is drowning out anything else I can say.
I let it go and sing along with her about sipping whiskey out the bottle and not thinking about tomorrow at the top of our lungs. It’s the most free I’ve felt in a really long time.
There’s already a bunch of cars and trucks lining the dirt road leading to the landing we like to use and it makes the anxiety I was feeling earlier about seeing a bunch of people I used to know knot up in my stomach. Maggie feels me stiffening beside her as Hetter drives past all of them and pulls up right next to the clearing where a huge smoker and BBQ grill are set up already because she squeezes my thigh next to hers.
“Just a fun day chilling in the water, babes,” she assures me.
I take a deep breath and open the door to hop down. We haul everything from the back of the truck and set up our chairs by a folding table that’s next to the grill. I hide behind my mirrored aviators and try to ignore all the looks being sent our way. Hetter sets a cooler next to us and Maggie flips the top open pulling out two pink slushies and a bottle of Fireball with a wide grin. She pours the fireball into the hole of the slushie cups with a heavy hand and thrusts one at me.
“Cream soda slushie and fireball, Rain! Thought we’d go retro to celebrate you being back.”
I try not to groan from the calorie load in it as I take the cold cup from her and memories of sneaking this very drink to high school football games come roaring back along with the horrible hangovers it caused. My first sip has me smiling right along with her. Fuck it, I’m in. Minutes later, we’re stripped down to our suits and splashing into the cool water of the lake with our slushies and inner tubes in tow. I don’t know if it’s the fireball, the company, or the cool water but I let everything go and just relax for the first time since I got to town.
Maggie and I chill on our tubes as people splash around us. Some call out hellos but most leave us be and I tip my head back to the sun and try and remember when I last did anything fun like this. Jason’s version of fun was all about appearances and connections. Country clubs, dinner parties, and fine dining where it was more important to be seen than actually enjoy ourselves were all we ever did. I take a long hard look at the history of our relationship as I float along and wince at how much I changed for him.
It was gradual, he was completely charming and flirty as hell in the beginning. He took me to movies, concerts, and festivals but now I see that during that time, he was grooming me into being a trophy he could display rather than a woman he was in love with.
It was small things at first, a suggestion here or there about changing the way I spoke, to how I styled my hair and the clothes that I wore. I was so lonely back then that I just went along with all that he wanted from me thinking he wanted me to grow into a better version of myself. Turns out it was him that wanted the better version of me to showcase to his business friends and connections. By the end, he was controlling every outfit I wore, every bit of food I ate, monitoring my gym time, and booking all the beauty treatments he always insisted were to pamper me. It took seeing the coldness in his eyes after I caught him cheating to finally wake up and see that I let him completely erase the woman I was when we met.
“Ugh, I forgot how you tan like a sun goddess. I need to either go put on more sunscreen or cover up for a while. You want to come in and get another drink or stay out here?” Maggie asks me.
I open my eyes surprised to find the sun has made its way across the sky. I drain the last of my slushie that’s long since melted and slide off my tube.
“Let’s take a break and grab some food before drinking any more or I’m liable to drown myself.”
Maggie laughs but juts her chin behind me with a smirk. “Pretty sure there’d be a lineup to give you CPR, girl.”
I glance behind me and scan the group of guys tossing a football around in the water and receive three head nods and a wink
I turn away as red pushes into my cheeks and mutter, “Pretty sure I babysat at least two of those guys when I was a teenager.”
Maggie links her arm with mine and snorts as we wade to shore.
“Not necessarily a bad thing. Just think of how eager they’d be to prove themselves to an older woman!”
