“No, no, Mommy’s okay. Sorry, baby. I just lost my breath for a minute.”
A low growl has my eyes flying to the dog but I realize it came from the huge man instead that I had forgotten about for a second. His eyes have narrowed on my face and he looks pissed right off as he takes in the bruised and swollen eye and split lip on my face. I can’t deal with any questions he might throw my way about my injuries so I try and pre-empt him as I bend over and snag my glasses and jam them back on my face.
“I am so sorry sir! I’m not sure what happened there with my breathing but thank you so much for your help and concern. That was really kind of you! Please, don’t let us keep you from your jogging!”
I give the dog a quick pat on its head, take Chloe’s uninjured hand, and sidestep him with a fake smile.
“Thank you so much, again. Have a great day!” I ramble brightly as I hurry away and I swear I hear him growl again but he lets us go without saying anything else.
Chloe turns back even as I pull her away and calls out, “Bye Mr. Growly Bear! Bye, puppy!”
By the time I get Chloe buckled in and collapse behind the steering wheel, the police car is gone from the lot and I’m a wreck from the entire encounter. My whole body feels shaky and a wave of exhaustion hits me reminding me that I haven’t slept in over twenty-four hours. Chloe pulls her rocks out from her pocket and tells me all about what she thinks each one looks like giving me the time I need to put myself back together again.
Avery
Once I’ve found my balance again, I leave Chloe munching on apple slices as I get out and start reorganizing the trunk and back seat. I need to get things set up easier for us for living in the car. I transfer what we will need easy access to into the back and front seats and then make us peanut butter and jam sandwiches for lunch using the top of the small food cooler I brought. I need to make a plan, a plan for how to make this work. I’ll need to be able to cook small meals in this car so I pull out the items I threw into the trunk to assemble and be ready for supper later.
He often has warm hors-d’oeuvres at his open houses for clients so I stole four of the small Sterno fuel cans from the box in the garage. Over it as a cooking surface, I’ll use a wide, clean tin coffee can that I grabbed from the recycling bin. It’s a silly skill I learned on Girl Guide hikes when I was young. It should be able to heat a pot of water, warm up a can of soup, or heat the small frying pan I brought. I’ll just have to make sure the window is down while the fuel is lit and keep the hot surface away from tiny fingers.
I look around the interior of the car and try and plot how to make it a home for the night. I have a sun shade screen for the front and back windows and I can use the two bath towels I brought to cover the side windows in the back but I’m not sure what to use for the front side windows yet. Chloe’s car seat can be moved to the front seat out of the way and then I can make a bed of sorts across the back with the blankets and pillows I brought. This has to be temporary. The weather gets colder and colder every day and there’s no way we can survive sleeping every night in this car during full winter. There’s not enough gas left to run the car all night so I need to think of some kind of heat source for us to use until I can find us a place to live. I also need to find the best place for us to park overnight that won’t attract notice from the police or anyone else.
With everything almost ready for our first night of being homeless, I start the car and leave the parking lot to drive around and find a place that might work for the night. My eyes constantly drop down to the gas gauge needle but it’s holding steady at just a hair under a quarter of a tank. I can’t stop thinking about how we will stay warm overnight so when I pass a strip mall with a huge Dollar Store I turn in and park hoping I might spot something inside that will spark an idea. If anything, it will burn another hour of the day keeping Chloe amused.
My baby is enthralled by the many aisles of cheap goods in the store. It makes me sad to know that he’s kept such tight control of our lives that she’s never really been anywhere but the house we lived in and the school. There’re so many things she’s missed out on because I stayed and let him build the walls of a prison around us. After four aisles I finally spot a possible solution and it takes me right back to my Girl Guides days again.
Mom always made me take a rubber hot water bottle to fill on campouts. I have memories of filling it from the pot on the campfire and stuffing it down in my sleeping bag to keep my toes warm in the tent at night. I chew on my split lip in indecision before finally reaching out and taking four from the rack.
That’s four dollars plus tax. If I buy these, that will leave me with thirty-three dollars and sixty-three cents.
I clutch the floppy bottles to my chest and follow Chloe down to the next aisle where she spots shelves of coloring and sticker books. Her eyes light up and her small hand reaches out to grab a sticker book filled with cartoon ponies and unicorns. When she holds it up to me with a hopeful look there’s no way I can say no after everything she’s been through in the last twenty-four hours so I nod my head and she hugs it to her chest as she dances and shimmies ahead of me. I look down at the four hot water bottles I’m holding and separate one and leave it on the shelf. Two for her, one for me. A little bit of cold is nothing compared to making her happy in such a crappy situation.
Another twenty minutes of wandering around the store before we pay and that’s another four dollars and twenty-five cents gone. Back into the car we go and a glance at my watch shows it’s only three in the afternoon and I try and figure out what to do with the rest of the day. I can’t keep driving around aimlessly and burning gas I can’t afford to replace. I hate that I don’t have a phone so that I can just use Google to search up places in the area that might work for a place to park tonight. What did people do before Google? I feel like a total idiot when the answer pops into my head…the library. I can go to a library and use one of their computers! I’m just considering hauling Chloe back into the store to ask the cashier for directions when a woman parks beside me and starts to get out. I quickly roll down my window and ask her for directions that she’s happy to provide.
The library is a huge modern-looking building with lots of glass windows. We’ve barely walked through the door when an older lady wearing a volunteer badge greets us.
“Hello! Are you here for craft and story time?” She asks with a big smile for Chloe.
My precocious daughter immediately chimes an enthusiastic, “Yes!” making me groan silently. I give the lady a small smile and shake my head.
“That sounds wonderful but we’re new to the area so we haven’t had a chance to register for anything yet. I was hoping you had computers the public can use to search out information about the town.”
The woman winks at Chloe. “Well, it’s a good thing you came in because yes, we do have computers and there’s no registration needed for the children’s group today. It’s a drop-in program that I’m sure your little darling will love. She can have some fun while you do your computer work.”
I let out a nervous laugh and try not to turn red in embarrassment as I’m forced to ask a question.
“Um, what is the fee for it? I don’t even have a library card here yet.”
The woman waves my questions away. “Nope, no fee for the cutie at all or the use of the computers. If you have an address here in town then there’s no cost for your library card either. All you need is proof of address and we can get you signed right up. Why don’t you head over to the children’s area so your daughter can join the group? It’s just about to get started. Come find me if you have any more questions!”
She points us in the right direction and Chloe practically drags me behind her in her excitement. I hover around the door for a few minutes after signing her in on a clipboard but she’s already joined a group of kids and is chattering away so I slowly ease back and turn to find the computers. The first thing I do is Google Earth the town we are in and zoom in on possible places we can park for the night. There are a couple of huge service stations by the freeway that big rig transports park overnight at that could work but it makes me nervous. All of this makes me nervous. I feel a wash of anxiety fill me again but I shove it to the side. There are no good choices for me right now so I have to make do as best I can.
After I get a good feel for how the town is laid out and memorize the few places that might work for parking, I switch to the local job ads. The more I read the more hopeless I feel. I don’t have a resume or references to give for any of these jobs.
Exhaustion swamps me and my eyes burn from lack of sleep so I push back from the computer and wander around the huge library for a while hoping to wake myself up and find some inspiration on how to go forward. I peek into the children’s room and see Chloe still having fun as she makes a popsicle stick house so I turn away and keep walking.
A bulletin board catches my attention so I stand and look over the flyers for craft fairs and workshops and then I spot a flyer that has my fingers reaching out to the cut tabs on the bottom and ripping one off. Someone needs a babysitter and they’re offering fifteen dollars an hour. This is something I can do and I’m betting it wouldn’t be a problem for me to bring Chloe with me. My stomach fills with butterflies at the idea of making money, cash money!
I race back to the computers and log back in. Without a cell phone, I need some way to give my contact information so I set up a Gmail address and create a Facebook account using my mother’s maiden name as my own. I then search and join all the local mom groups I can find. While I wait to be approved, I add posts to my new page about parenting hacks, craft projects, and stock photos so it looks real if anyone checks it out. I don’t have any friends to add so I join book clubs, crafting pages, and any other groups that look interesting and then start sending friend requests out in the hopes that some people will just add me.
