Sooner or later, she’ll see what it really means to be with me.
The thought guts me because the minute she realizes what it really means, she’ll run. And I’ll have no right to stop her.
So I hold her tighter, bury my face in her hair. I’ll lose her before I let my world destroy her.
Chapter Forty-One
Romy
My phone vibrates on the nightstand, and I slide across the bed to grab it, the soft glow from the screen the only light in the room. The curtains are still drawn tight, even though it’s well past noon, and I’ve been sprawled across the hotel bed—tangled in sheets and pillows—ever since Zander left this morning.
I can’t find anything decent on TV anymore. I’ve binge-watched every show I can imagine. I don’t bother turning on the lamp and just slide my thumb across the screen to answer.
Lottie’s voice crackles through the speaker—chipper and happy—and I’m instantly homesick.
“Hey! How are you?” she says.
“Bored out of my mind.” I lay my head on the pillow and stare at the ceiling. The only view I’ve had of whatever city I’m in now.
“How can you be bored? You’ve literally been touring the country. Where are you now?”
“I think we’re in Chicago… maybe? But then tomorrow is Milwaukee or Indianapolis. I have no idea.” It’s all the same to me. A bed, an uncomfortable couch, a desk with a complimentary notepad and pen. Sure, the hotels are way fancier than I’ve ever stayed in before, but I spend most of my time in them alone, so the shine has worn off.
“So…” Her voice dips lower.
I sit up. My sister never stalls. She’s more the spit-it-out type. “Lottie, what is it?”
I worry something is wrong back at the ranch. My parents? Uncle Bruce? One of my cousins? What’s going on back home that I’m missing by lying around in a hotel room?
There’s a beat of silence. I can practically hear her biting her lip.
“I really wanted to tell you at the family dinner, but I don’t know when you’re gonna be back. The process is starting, and I don’t want you to be the only one who doesn’t know. We haven’t told anybody yet—other than Mom and Dad.”
I grip the phone tighter. “Okay… what is it? What’s wrong? Is something wrong with you and Brooks? What’s going on?”
“No, no. We’re fine. We’re fine. But… I just want to let you know that…”
“Lottie!”
“We’ve started the surrogacy process.”
My breath catches. “Surrogacy?”
“Yeah,” she says softly. “We’ve talked to the doctors and some lawyers. We’re really serious about it. And I really wanted to tell you in person. I’m sorry it’s over the phone.”
“You’re sorry? I’m sorry. I wish I was there. I want to hug you. And I want to tell you how proud and excited I am that you’re taking this step.”
I flop back against the pillow, staring at the ceiling. Again. My chest aches because I want to be there. I want to be with her. I want to hug her and have her tell me everything.
“God, Lottie, that’s huge.”
“I know.”
“You’re going to be amazing parents,” I whisper. “And I’m growing one great cousin for that little Watson.”
She laughs, and guilt washes over me that I’m not there. But more than that—I miss home.
“You okay?” Her voice is soft, something you don’t get a lot of with my sister.
