I lean back in my chair, the glow from the monitors making the room feel like a cave. It’s dark and suffocating, and I’ve never missed Romy more. Saying goodbye was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I have to do my job in order to give her and our child everything they need. I never want her to think about or worry about money. There’s no fucking way the two people who mean the most to me are ever going to feel how I did growing up.
I rub the stubble on my jaw, my eyes bloodshot from staring at the same damn timeline for hours—weeks, really. I thought I could knock this out much faster than apparently is possible. I mean, I’ve never actually edited a video before, but I didn’t think it would be this hard to capture the perfect visual rendition to match the words.
It’s been a constant argument with Jack. All the footage is there. The lake, the ranch, the picnic, the horse riding. Zara did an amazing job at my side. But something is off.
Something doesn’t fit when I place the track over the video. It just seems… jarring. It feels wrong.
“Fuck,” I mutter, and I slam down my mouse. The sound echoes through the cramped room.
“You’re gonna break the equipment,” Beau says. He leans against the doorframe, arms crossed, giving me that look—to calm the fuck down before I have a stroke.
I spin in my chair. “Everything’s off. The lighting, the timing. It’s just not right.”
“It looks fine. Hell, it looks more than fine. You’re driving yourself nuts over nothing.”
“It’s not fine. Something’s wrong, and I can’t figure out what it is.”
But that’s a lie. I know what it is, and my chest tightens because it’s more than that?—
How can I do this when it’s the first song I’ve ever written for a woman? It’s the first thing that’s ours—mine and Romy’s. It’s proof that she wasn’t a secret, that she meant more to me back then, before I pushed her away.
We built this together. And it feels wrong that she’s not the one in this video with me. It won’t be perfect otherwise.
Beau pushes off the wall and drops into a chair. He studies the screen, frozen on the lake scene with Zara in my arms. “You’ve been at this for weeks. You need air. You need food. Sleep. Hell, a shower would be nice.”
I don’t even chuckle at his attempt at humor. “I just want to be done. If I’m done, I can go be with Romy. I can go back to the ranch.”
“It doesn’t need to be perfect. Hell, nothing ever is.”
There’s truth in what he’s telling me.
“I don’t know. I just feel like it needs to be… I need to do the song justice.” I run my hand through my hair.
“Please don’t tell me you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking.” He gives me that look he always does when he knows I’m about to cause him stress and cost myself a shit-ton of money.
“What do you think I’m telling you?”
“That the wrong girl is in that video.” Beau nods at the screen.
“She hasn’t heard the song yet,” I admit. I’ve been keeping it from her because I wanted to present it to her in a perfect package, at the perfect time.
“I figured you’d already serenaded her in some broken-down barn on their property one night.” I look at Beau, and he smirks. “Come on, not my best line, but you’re clearly head over heels in love and willing to do that kind of sappy shit for her.”
I shrug because I can’t really argue. I would do that for her.
“Once she hears the song, she’ll know. It’s pretty damn clear.” He leans back in his chair, crossing his ankle on the opposite knee.
“You knew the song was about her this whole time?”
He gives me a you’re an idiot look. “Fuck, man. I’m your best friend. Of course I knew. Why do you think I haven’t given you any shit for this long-ass process?”
“Goddamn it. I knew you knew.” I guess to a certain extent, I thought I was hiding it. And that’s why I look him square in the eye. “Either I cut Zara out entirely, or I refilm it.”
Beau’s face sours as if he ate bad fish. “I figured we were on our way to the latter option. You do realize this pushes everything back, right?”
I hadn’t really thought about that. To film the video over with Romy, I would first have to get her to agree to it, and I’m not sure she would want to do it pregnant. So we’d have to wait for the baby to come, then film the entire thing over.
“I don’t know. It just looks so commercialized. There’s nothing authentic about it. Nothing real. Nothing natural.”
