He looks at me expectantly as if he needs more of an explanation.
I want to say, You would stay wherever I am. But I don’t think he wants that. So, I quickly add, “The Getaway Lodge is always open. The honeymoon suite is yours for however long you want it.”
My attempt at humor dies in the still air. He breaks the distance back to me.
“Romy, you’re going to build a house on this land, and you’re going to raise our kid here, and this is going to be their primary residence. I want them to have a place they call home.”
As thankful as I am that he wants our baby to be raised here, the idea tastes sour without him.
“And where does that leave you, Zander?” My question is barely audible.
He runs his palm down his short beard. “I don’t know right now. But I’ll be a part of our kid’s life. Don’t ever think I’m going to dodge my responsibility financially or emotionally. I will be their father. I might not be able to wake up with them every morning or kiss them good night every night, but that’s the thing about co-parenting, right? I mean, all parents who co-parent have to deal with those nights they’re not with their kid. And their kid learns how to manage between the two parents. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“No. There’s nothing wrong with it,” I agree.
Nothing at all, even though I want to scream that we haven’t given us a shot. We don’t even know what we could be. God, I’m so fucking foolish for letting these feelings creep up on me. To think that there is something here, that something could work between us.
“Zander, you’re my family now. And I know that you might, like, find someone and marry someday…” I force myself to push out the words. “And she’ll be a second mom to our child. But this…” I take his hand and put it on my stomach. “This makes us family. We are a family.”
I swear wetness pools in his eyes, but he tears his gaze away from mine before I can tell for sure.
He straightens and removes his hand from my stomach. “It’s a good piece of land.” He clears his throat. “We should probably get going. It’s getting cold, and I didn’t bring a jacket.”
I nod and step on the path with him.
Hopefully one day Zander will be truthful about what he wants with me, but most of all, I hope he can learn to be honest with himself.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Zander
Beau walks into The Knotted Barn, raises his arms in the air, and says, “Who’s your daddy?”
I turn around. We’ve gotten almost everything done for the video. Zara is arriving tomorrow to start filming. The crew is already pretty much gone for the night, so it’s just me and Beau. Romy went to lie down at her house, saying she wasn’t feeling good. I told her I’d check on her on my way back, but ever since last night, I feel as if there’s something off with us.
“That’s creepy and weird. Try rephrasing it,” I say.
“What’s creepy? I made a huge deal today. I’m getting you what you want, and I want some kudos.”
“Tell me what I’m thanking you for before I actually fall to my knees in gratitude.”
“You’re thanking me for renting out some bar called The Hidden Cave. Don’t worry—you paid a pretty penny for it, but the crew and anyone else you want can go. There are only going to be two employees there, so we’ll have to have some designated bartenders. But you’ll be off the ranch. Happy?” His smug smile says he’s pleased with himself. “But we cannot talk about the fucking pregnancy while we’re there.”
“I’m not gonna talk about the pregnancy. But I mean… she’s going, right? Romy’s coming? Did you tell her?”
He scoffs. “You sound like an adolescent boy asking me if I told the girl you like that you like her and want to know what she said.”
I lean against the wall. I do sound pathetic, but I’m not ready to show my cards yet. “I just want to make sure she’s going. It would be nice for her to get off the ranch too.”
“Yeah, okay. Just keep telling yourself that.” Beau picks up a donut from this morning from the box on the table. “I told Jensen this morning that he needs to go on one of those chef shows. He’s wasting his talent here.”
“Fuck, Beau, why would you say that? He’s with his family.”
He finishes the donut and licks the sugar from his fingers. “It’s the truth. It was a compliment. What’s up your ass?”
“Nothing,” I grumble and turn back to what I was doing.
“Uh-huh. Sure. Lines are blurring, and you’re gonna have to address it pretty soon. Is that why you’re acting like a shithead?”
