“You’ve always been so easy to talk to.” He lets out a long breath. “Seems kinda weird… you seem like somebody I would go to for advice about this kind of thing, but you’re in it with me, facing the same thing. I mean, I’m sure you don’t want my baby.”
My mouth falls open, and I stare at him like I did that first time backstage when I was in shock that he had sought me out and pulled me backstage.
“No, no,” he says quickly. “I mean, why would you want to sign up for all that comes with me? I mean, god—we went up on that hill, and there was a photographer. People are going to want pictures of our baby, and others are going to pay money for those pictures. They’re gonna be out for blood when they find out you’re pregnant. And that’s not going to make it easy whether or not you’re involved with me. I mean, you won’t—” He shakes his head. “I mean, you won’t be with me, obviously. Obviously, we’re not a couple. You know, we’re going to be parents—co-parents.”
I don’t say anything.
“But it doesn’t matter what we are—they’re gonna spin it. They’re going to say nasty shit. They’re gonna be mean and print blatant lies about you and our baby and what I mean to you and what you mean to me. And I’m just… I’m just really sorry, Romy. I should’ve used a condom. I should’ve—I just should have protected you better.”
“Oh my god, Zander, stop.” I put my hand on his forearm and bring us to a halt. His corded muscles flex under my palm.
I remember this exact grip on his arm as his fingers were plunging in and out of me. I push that memory aside. Now isn’t the time for my hormones to go crazy.
“Like you said, this was both of us. I was right there in that moment with you, just like you told me earlier. So please… it’s okay. We’re here now.”
“Yeah.” He looks down and shakes his head. “I guess you’re right. But still, I feel like I should apologize for all the future problems you’re gonna run into because of who I am.”
I put my hand on my stomach and allow myself to think about the baby growing. About how large my stomach will get, and that I’m going to grow a piece of him inside me. “You know, I don’t hate the idea of it that much. I know you’re probably thinking I’m crazy. And it’s not because I’m a romantic or because I believe in destiny or think that this is some sign for us. I don’t think that. Like you said, we can be co-parents, right? We can do this. And I know you’re going to be on the road, and I’m totally willing to make arrangements. I guess what I’m saying is that I don’t hate the idea that I’m pregnant. And it’s not because I have some fantasy that I’m going to swindle you into staying with me, or that I think you would even want a future with a wife and a kid. I get it. But I think I already love him or her. Even though I haven’t heard the heartbeat or seen the ultrasound pictures, I want to protect them.”
He stares at my hand on my stomach but doesn’t move. Not that I’m expecting him to just put his hand over mine. I’ve made a complete fool of myself, rambling on.
I open my mouth to tell him to forget what I said when he breaks the distance, and his hand covers mine. His calloused fingertips run over my fingers, weaving our hands together.
“I feel the same way,” he says. “I have a zillion worries rolling through my head, but… I’m scared—really, really scared. I’m so scared I’m gonna fuck this up, Romy. Jesus, how many times did I say scared?”
We both laugh, but he continues. “I hate to put that on you. You don’t deserve to bear the weight of my issues. But I feel the same way. I’m not terribly upset that you’re pregnant for some reason, and I want to protect our baby too.”
My eyes tear up. I don’t know what this means for us, or where we’ll go from here. But I know one thing for sure—I have a partner in this. He’s going to stay with me, and he’s going to protect this little one as much as I will. And that’s good enough for me.
Chapter Nineteen
Zander
“Absolutely not,” Romy says, standing in my suite, DeSoto and Beau standing by the door. “We’re not doing that.”
“I understand your concern,” Beau says, putting his hands up in placating gesture, because that’s Beau. If he can get you to calm down, he can prove his point. Or so he thinks. “I get it, all right? It’s not ideal that DeSoto has to act like your partner at the doctor, but you know DeSoto… a bit. What’s the harm?”
She stares at DeSoto, and he shrugs because he too knows that this is a stupid idea.
“We can’t have Zander walking into an OBGYN office with a random woman. Everybody’s gonna know instantly what’s going on.” Beau glances at me for backup, but I don’t have it in me to fight her on this.
“Well, can’t he put on a baseball cap or wear sunglasses?”
God, she’s so sweet and innocent. I want to throw a giant bubble over her to keep her that way and stop her from ever becoming jaded like me.
“Sadly, no,” I say, trying to appease the situation.
Beau tosses his hands in the air in exasperation. “A baseball cap and sunglasses won’t hide the fact that Zander Shaw is Zander Shaw. I mean, Romy, you were a big fan at one point. Do you think a hat and sunglasses would have fooled you?”
She scoffs. “At one point I was his biggest fan.”
I grunt and tilt my head at Beau with a thank you for the reminder that she doesn’t think much of me anymore.
“I’ll just go by myself then.” She crosses her arms, looking like a defiant pre-teen.
DeSoto’s lips tip up a little and damn, mine do too. It’s always entertaining when someone comes back at Beau.
God, she looks gorgeous today. She’s wearing a cute little skirt and shirt with cowboy boots. It makes me wish she was mine so I could pick her up and feel those legs wrapped around my waist. But she’s not. I have to keep reminding myself that I’m the one who ensured that was the case. And for good reason.
