Calm down, brain.
My mind is going a mile a minute with what-ifs until a knock sounds on the front door. Poppy and Scarlett are still at work, so I doubt they’re expecting anyone.
I walk down the stairs and yank the door open.
It’s him. Zander’s standing on my porch.
“Hi.” My hand grips the doorknob a little tighter.
His hands are in his pockets, and he stares right into my eyes. “I hope I’m not overstepping. I mean, it wasn’t hard to figure out… someone told me where you lived.”
“My mom?”
He chuckles, but it’s strained. “Yeah, she’s—well, I was on my way to find you, and she just happened to be in the lobby and told me where she thought you’d be.”
“Oh. Well… thanks.” I shake my head. “I don’t know why I’m thanking you. Why am I thanking you?”
A low laugh escapes him. “I don’t know.”
“Do you want to come in? Or we could go for a walk?”
He peers around my shoulder, peeking inside—I think to see if anyone’s here.
“I’m alone,” I say quickly to put him at ease. I’ve already caused enough turmoil to his anxiety level today.
“Thanks. A walk, maybe?” He nods toward the porch.
“Sure. Let me just grab my sweater.”
I leave him on my porch and grab my sweater off the kitchen chair. When I come back, he isn’t looking into my house, trying to peer into my life out of curiosity or anything. He’s turned, looking out.
“There’s a path around the lake we could take.” I slide my arms into my sweater and shut the door behind me.
I don’t lock it, and a grin spreads across his mouth.
“So—your office. You don’t usually lock it?” he asks as we walk down the steps and fall into pace alongside one other.
“No.” I laugh.
“What was in the drawer, an ultrasound picture?”
“No! God, no—I haven’t… I haven’t done that yet.” Would he be appalled or relieved if he thought I’d been to the doctor without him, that he didn’t have to participate? I’m not even sure. “I’ve only taken the pregnancy test. And I know it’s so stupid. Why keep that for sentimental reasons? Especially since it’s not like we were trying or anything. Now I’m rambling and I don’t even know how you feel about the pregnancy. Just so you know, when I saw the results, you know, I wasn’t, like, jumping-over-the-moon ecstatic. I was scared, and I didn’t… I mean?—”
“My god, Romy, let me—” He takes my hand and squeezes before letting it drop. “Breathe. Just breathe. It’s okay. I get it. Of course you’d want to keep it. I mean, it’s a memory. I can imagine wanting to keep something tangible that you can look at that can take you back to exactly what you were thinking and feeling in that moment. I would never think that was foolish.”
I draw fresh air into my lungs as we keep walking. “Thanks.”
We start on the path that goes around the lake that will pass by my cousins’, the Noughton brothers, houses. Each one lives in a house they built, complete with kids and forevers. This path will eventually wind around toward the Owens’ part of the land, including my lot that’s available for me to build on whenever I’m able.
“So… what do you want to—how do you feel?” I approach the subject, not knowing how to phrase the question. He’s had, what? An hour, maybe, to digest the news. I assume he’s talked to Beau.
“I’m still reeling a little bit if I’m honest.” He scrubs a hand down his face.
“I understand. Me too, even after knowing for a while.” I don’t want him to get the wrong impression. “It’s not that I don’t want to?—”
“I know,” he says. “I mean, I’m not upset.”
I shrug and shake my head. “You’re welcome to your feelings. They’re your feelings, and you don’t have to explain them to me or worry about hurting mine.”
