My mind always seemed to short-circuit around Brandon, and it was doing just that right now. Brandon was close, his hand cupping the back of my head while he kissed me softly. I shook as I tried to contain my emotions, but it was hard. I just watched him be something for Ilsa that I had wanted since she was born.
He made her shine, and the way she laughed, I hadn’t heard her laugh that hard in a long time. She was so happy, so full of joy.
And the way he was looking at me now. God, it was everything I wanted.
Brandon moved closer, his lips pressing against mine once more. But that softness was dissolving as a new hunger took over. I suddenly couldn’t get enough of him.
His lips crashed against mine roughly, and I moaned as I fumbled back against the armrest of the couch. Brandon moved closer, hovering over me as he cupped my face.
Everything felt on fire as he kissed me. I wanted more, needed more. I hadn’t felt like this in years. Well, I hadn’t felt like this since that one night.
We were just as rough, just as hungry. Neither of us is thinking about what could happen, but rather the release that would come with it.
I wanted that. I wanted to be able to just let go.
Brandon pulled me up and onto his lap. I straddled him, our kiss never breaking. One hand was on my hip while the other held the back of my head. I gripped tightly onto his shirt, fisting the fabric as I pressed closer. I didn’t even realize I was grinding onto him until I heard the growl leave Brandon’s lips.
More. I needed more.
Every fiber in my being was on fire. Every nerve, every cell wanted him. All caution was out the window now that we had begun.
I felt how hard he was under me, and I remember how he felt filling me all those years ago. I rocked my hips, feeling his fingers tighten on my hips. He bit my lip, and I moaned loudly.
His thumb rubbed circles against my hip bone, my dress already pooled around me.
I felt his tongue slide against mine, pulling a deeper moan out of me. He was taking my breath away one kiss at a time.
I felt his hand slide down, pulling at the dress. His fingers left shivers as they moved from my hip to my upper thigh. His lips were soft against my neck as I sank into the feeling.
But suddenly it was all wrong.
I thought of what happened after. What happened last time. How he left, and how I was left feeling used. I ended up pregnant. I ended up alone. And all for a one-night fuck. My father’s words hit me. Give him what he wants.
I shoved against him, half-fumbling off the couch. Brandon looked utterly confused as I pulled away, yanking myself to my feet.
He looked shocked as I yanked my dress back down, now utterly embarrassed. I couldn’t believe how quickly I was willing to throw it all away. Ilsa had a good life here. Brandon was helping with things, and I couldn’t screw that up.
Brandon was only doing this because he was bored. Why else would he kiss me? Or maybe he felt like he was obligated to take care of me because of what happened?
Either way, there was no need for us to be doing this. No reason for us to make another mistake. One child was enough.
I pulled myself together, catching my breath, and felt anger fill the space. “You can’t do that. You can’t play with my feelings like that, Brandon.”
Brandon looked at me, shocked. “I’m not…”
“You are,” I snapped. “You did all those years ago! You played with me until you got what you wanted. I cannot repeat that. I am not an object you get to enjoy when you feel like it.”
I thought of that morning, waking up to my bed empty. I had thought maybe he would have left me a note. Left something as a way of telling me he had been there, but there was nothing. I had wondered if I had imagined that night, but I felt how sore I was. I knew it hadn’t been a dream.
And I felt so dirty. I had given Brandon something important to me, and he’d not even bothered to stay the next morning. He hadn’t bothered to tell me goodbye.
“Do you have any idea how dirty I felt?” I whispered, hating how I felt it now. “Waking up the next morning to nothing. You didn’t even bother to leave me a note.”
Brandon didn’t say anything, which only egged me on.
“You disappeared, and I was left with the fallout. I had to raise her. I had to listen to everyone whisper about how I should have known better, that I screwed up my life by spreading my legs. That I was a tramp that didn’t know better.”
I felt everything seemed to bubble to the surface. All the stuff I didn’t want to tell him. Everything that happened.
