“I am not someone you can just use when you want to have a release. If you can’t understand that, then maybe Ilsa and I need to think about going somewhere else.”
I watched Brandon’s expression fall.
My hands were shaking as I felt like I was on uneven ground. I thought we were going to be okay, but I had been wrong. This was life slapping me for thinking I was safe, that everything would be fine.
I should have known better. I should have known this was too good to be true.
“Is that why you wanted me to move in? Because you thought I would be open to that?” I thought of my father’s words—how he had expected me to. Had he figured that was why Brandon made the offer? Had my father told him I would be easy?
Brandon rested his elbows on his knees and softly sighed. “Jade, I asked you to move in because I wanted to take care of Ilsa. I wanted to take care of you.”
My mouth snapped shut, and I took a slow breath in. I bite hard onto my cheek.
“And as for everything else…I can only apologize. I wish I could turn back time, but I can’t. Not to stop us, but to change the outcome.”
I looked at him, surprised by this.
He slowly pulled himself up. “That night was not just for fun. You’re my mate. You know this. You felt that. We both wanted to and had been stepping around it for months. I should have left a note, and I’m sorry you felt dirty. I never wanted that. I didn’t think about the after. I just knew I couldn’t not have you.”
I felt my shoulders drop slightly.
“I know I missed out on a lot. I missed out on everything for her, and I missed out on protecting you for everyone else. Iknow you haven’t told me everything that happened, but I can imagine how it all went. I’m not blind.”
He waved a hand between us. “As for this, I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. That wasn’t my intention. I just…I wanted to kiss you. I didn’t do all of this to get into your pants, Jade.”
I swallowed, suddenly feeling guilty because I would see how honest and forward he was being. I could see the sadness behind his eyes. But it only brought more questions.
If he wanted me, why did he leave? Why hadn’t he asked me to come with him? Questions I knew he wouldn’t answer.
I swallowed and licked my lips as I looked away from him. I felt a shiver roll over my body like a cold blanket.
“We…we can’t repeat history,” I said softly. “Ilsa deserves better.”
I couldn’t look at him before I turned and headed up the stairs. I wanted to look at Brandon and see what he thought of my words, but I didn’t. I knew it wouldn’t matter because it was the truth. Ilsa didn’t deserve for us to muddy the waters right now. She needed stability, and us being friendly was that. If we tried to change it, we didn’t know what would happen, and I wouldn’t risk that.
I slept terribly, unable to find a comfortable position. I felt guilty about how I snapped at Brandon. I tossed and turned, unable to get the look out of my head. He looked hurt when I spoke, and I could tell he felt horrible. He had his own guilt.
I sat up and glanced at my phone, seeing it was five in the morning. I decided I might as well get up. I got dressed and headed down the stairs quietly, not to wake Ilsa. I knew she would sleep for a while, considering how yesterday was.
I pulled out some pans and started making pancakes. I moved quickly, finding it helped calm my nerves. I knew I would have to face Brandon, and I wasn’t sure how I would. There was going to be tension between us after yesterday.
I was finishing the pancakes and starting the bacon when I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. I froze, knowing they weren’t Ilsa’s. She was softer on the stairs like a mouse. You couldn’t even hear her unless you were listening closely. Which said it was Brandon.
“Morning.”
I turned as he stepped off the stairs. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, and my eyes tracked each of his muscles. I’d watched Brandon practice with the guys and seen the way his muscles flex, but standing still allowed me to see each divot, everything bulging in his body.
I swallowed, knowing I was staring. “Morning.”
He walked closer, his eyes scanning the spread I had set up. “Making breakfast?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
He nodded slowly, walking around me toward the coffee maker. “Do you want some coffee? I’m going to start a pot.”
The calmness confused me, and I glanced at him, waiting for the tension I knew would happen. But it wasn’t there. He was acting as if nothing had happened the night before. I wasn’t sure whether I should be uncomfortable about it or happy that he was moving past it so easily.
I nodded. “Yeah, I’ll have a cup.”
