“Oh, wait until you get the Found Family treatment,” Leah assured her. “This group has lifers for a reason.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Jonah woke to the smell of coffee he hadn’t made, and the sound of Tzipi on the phone.
He sat up, scrubbing his face. Sunlight streamed through the window—later than he usually slept. The futon was a tangle of sheets and the imprint of where they'd both been. His phone said 10:47 AM.
Tzipi stood at his tiny kitchen counter, coffee mug and phone in hand. She'd put on another one of his T-shirts and her own leggings. Her short hair stuck up in the back.
She'd never looked more beautiful.
"—yes, I understand. No, that's exactly what we needed." A pause. "Thank you so much. I owe you dinner next time I'm in LA."
She hung up and turned to face him, eyes bright with vindication. And kissed him full on the mouth.
“My friend came through with third party lab results. Shellfish. Definitive. Shrimp and crab shell derivatives in the glucosamine. Not disclosed anywhere on the packaging." She opened her email so he could read for himself. "Plus the kosher certification is fake—traced to a one-rabbi operation in New Jersey that's been flagged by the Orthodox Union for fraudulent hechshers."
Jonah scanned the report. "And the clinical trials?"
"Don't exist. Or rather, they exist for a completely different product with a different formula. ChaiCycle just borrowed the research and claimed it was theirs." She was pacing now; energy radiating off her. "It's fraud, Jonah. Multiple FDA violations. False advertising. Allergen mislabeling."
"Which means Rob can't touch us.” Jonah pulled her into a hug. "He threatens to post the video, we threaten to expose this. He's the one who's screwed, not Kara."
She sagged against him. "God, I was so scared."
"I know."
"I thought I'd ruined everything. That I'd destroyed Kara's reputation, her career?—"
"You didn't." He tilted her chin up. “Everything you found? That's the opposite of ruining things."
Her phone buzzed. Another text from Rob.
Hey! Still good tomorrow for our pre-press meet, 9am? Russ & Daughters Deli, Lower East Side. Bring your publicist if you want – the more the merrier! This is going to be amazing.
Tzipi showed it to Jonah. "He has no idea what's coming."
"Good." Jonah kissed her forehead. "Let's keep it that way."
Jonah's phone buzzed. Julie had kicked off a Klein sibling group chat with a text. Then another came from Jess. Then a third from Jillian.
Holy shit, did you see this?
The Matzo Baller is ALL OVER the news!
Call us, Jo!!!
He clicked the link Jules had attached.
HANNON KERSHAW HOSPITALIZED AFTER APPARENT BREAKDOWN AT HANUKKAH GALA
Below the article was a video. Hannon, in his Radian Prime costume, on the pier, bellowing “KARAAAAA!” at the camera phones as if he was auditioning for A Streetcar Named Desire. Stumbling. Security trying to restrain him.
And in the corner of the frame — barely visible — was Robby, shivering in the cold and trying to pass off packets of ChaiCycle to passersby. Looking miserable as a one-man show.
"Oh shit," Tzipi breathed, reading over his shoulder.
The article detailed Hannon's "erratic behavior" throughout the evening, culminating in a "public meltdown" that resulted in his team checking him into a "wellness facility" for "exhaustion."
