“I behaved so well, she thought I was her bodyguard. Top that!”
Jonah gazed at his friends over the top of the menorah lights. Six candles, but only five of the original Year Course group were present for it tonight. He hoped Libby was okay. She was the only one who hadn’t acknowledged the Baller group picture yet. In it, she’d looked so happy, champagne glass in hand – he was sure there was more to the story there. He’d missed her, as the gang all swapped their “best of” tales with Tzipi.
With all the significant others, they made a joyful crew as they chorused through the Hanukkah blessing. One by one, couples peeled off and headed home, until it was just him and Tzipi, chatting at the kitchen island with Avi and Leah as the candles burned to dripping nubs.
“Even in my most extreme fan frenzy, I have never pulled a runner of that magnitude. Ever.” Avi shook his head, impressed as he listened to their escape. “Respect. Do you have your sister’s people working damage control?”
Out of all people, Avi got it. The perils of fame. The people, wanting a piece of him. To hitch their wagon to his star. Which was why they had waited until everyone else had gone to share the lingering dilemma.
Tzipi shook her head. “Robby promised he’d embargo the news this weekend, so long as I meet with him Monday morning. Kara will be back tomorrow, and…I just wanted her to have a few days of peace, to enjoy being a newlywed.”
She pulled the sample pill pack from her purse, sliding it across the island to Avi. “Seriously, what would you do?” Jonah asked. “Would you endorse something like this?”
His best friend also knew that with an adoring, highly influenceable public, there came responsibility.
Avi turned the product over in his hand. “I saw some of these, in the green room. And tucked into the VIP baskets. Honestly…” He squinted, examining the label a bit closer. “Not an issue for me. It’s not Kosher.”
“But there’s a little K symbol on the bottom, right there.” Tzipi pointed. “And he told me the capsules were vegan. Not the usual gelatin.”
The rocker shook his unruly locks. “I’m looking at the ingredients. Glucosamine.”
Leah read over his shoulder, nodding. “That’s usually made from shellfish. Otherwise it would show the vegan symbol. Believe me: it was the talk of Bramblewood’s Menorah Campus where my dad lives, when the nursing home dietitian tried to get everyone hooked on it for their joint pain.”
“Are you for real?” The black hole they’d been facing suddenly felt like a loop hole… a gloriously air-tight, legal, ethical and religious loop hole. “Does Kara keep kosher?”
Tzipi nodded. “She even checks the label on gummy bears.”
He jumped to his feet. “Wolfson, I could kiss you right now!”
“Please don’t –”
“Too late, it’s happening!”
“Okay, fine.”
Jonah hoisted him clean off the floor in a celebratory bear hug and planted one right on his lips, causing Tzipi and Leah to laugh. He gave them each a kiss too, so they wouldn’t feel left out. And because Jonah knew he gave exceptionally good bear hugs and fuzzy beard kisses.
“Most commercial glucosamine is crushed shrimp and lobster, spines and shells.” Avi made a face. “Gross, right? There is a synthetic version, but since you said he bragged about everything else, I’d think he would’ve mentioned it if they were using that kind. It’s pretty expensive, too.” Avi tossed the pack to Jonah. “There are tons of hechsherim, many legit but others are a one-rabbi show, not nearly as stringent, in a basement with a rubber stamp.”
He glanced up at Leah, then back to Tzipi. “Two kids of two cantors, here.”
“I’d be highly suspicious of not only their Halachic inspectors, but their regular inspectors, too,” Leah added. “If that is shellfish and it’s not labeled, that could spell real trouble for someone allergic.”
“Eastern wisdom meets western biohacking…all from a factory in Fresno,” Jonah muttered. “What a crock.”
“I know some third party testers in California, from working the food industry space,” Tzipi said. “I’ll text them right now, it’s still three hours earlier back home.”
“And forward me that copy of the contract.” Jonah couldn’t wait to rip into that thing.
“What is it that you do, Tzipi?” Leah asked. “Do we have another chef in our midst?”
“No, I run a zero-waste non-profit. That’s a Wrap, Folks! has contracts with the major Hollywood studios to deliver leftover catering from sets to food kitchens all over Southern California.”
“That’s so cool. I hate when I see catering go to waste,” Avi commented. “We’ve got so many venues that bend over backwards to fulfill our tour riders, they often go so above and beyond, we couldn’t possibly get through it all before our bus call to the next town just to do it all over again. If you’re up for it, I can make some introductions to promoters here on the east coast. That is, if you plan to stick around a little while.”
She snuck a glance at Jonah, right as he dipped his head down to look at her. They hadn’t discussed anything beyond Hanukkah, with everything hinging on how to get her sister out of this matzo ball of a mistake.
“Kara’s going to be alone here in Manhattan while Shel is on his Doctors without Borders mission soon,” she said. “It might be nice to have some sister time. Seeing as she ghosted me last night. Although I don’t know if New York City can live up to the VIP treatment of the Matzo Baller.”
