“Sure.”
“Like what?”
“Oh, his study schedule, work, his family and friends, and our dates, mostly. Or he’d get overwhelmed with his intern roster and assignments, and be in a complete flux, and I’d help him break it all down into smaller, more manageable parts that gave him balance. And he used to say when he saw it written out like that, he could see it made somuch more sense, but on his own, he found it all overwhelming and he couldn’t even start it.”
This surprised me. “Dad was like that?”
Mom nodded. “Yes. He’s a lot better at breaking it down on his own now. With his clinic, he has routine and structure and there’s a process to everything. It wasn’t always like that though. When he first started out, he would work at a few different clinics, and it was a lot to keep track of. But then when we came here, it was a lot more streamlined, and it suits him so much better. He used to stress out a lot. Make himself sick, almost. But then we had you, and he soon learned to adapt to change. Better than he ever gave himself credit for.” She smiled at me then. “You’re a lot alike, you two.”
Dad was . . . like me?
Logically, given DNA and hereditary traits, that made sense. Of course we were alike.
But he was like me?
“He used to make himself sick?”
“Oh, yes. He’d have a tummy ache, for sure.”
“But he... he’s always...” I shook my head. “He never stresses out. He’s calm and in control. He knows what to do. He says the right thing. He?—”
Mom’s gaze met mine and she gave my hand a squeeze. “And so do you, sweetheart. You know what to do, and you say the right thing as well. You are in control, too. You make the right decisions, always.”
I shook my head. “It doesn’t feel like it. I get lost in my head and I can’t see what I’m supposed to do.”
“I’m gonna let you in on a little secret about being an adult,” she said. “None of us know what we’re doing all the time. There are no instructions on how to be a grown-up. Being an adult is hard, making decisions is hard, and no one really knows what they’re doing. Best we can do is followour moral compass and be kind to others. Be true to ourselves and try to find happiness wherever we can. That’s all.”
I thought about that for a second. It seemed naïve at first, but the more I considered it, the more I realized she was right.
She usually was.
“It’s a good way to look at it,” I said. “I do wish there were instructions though.”
Mom chuckled. “Oh boy, don’t we all.” Then she sighed. “You know what to do, Deacon. You have to follow your heart. It might seem scary at first. That first leap will always be the scariest. But you’ll be fine, no matter what happens. Even if we get our hearts broken, we’re still better off for trying, yes?”
I nodded slowly. I didn’t want to get my heart broken. I didn’t want Winter to not love me.
Mom had given me a lot to think about, but I felt so much better already. And I knew what I had to do.
I gotto the bookstore at 4:58 p.m., and my tummy was a different kind of jittery. I had spoken to Winter on the phone and via text, but I hadn’t seen him since Sunday. I was excited and nervous, but mostly excited.
And nervous.
But determined.
I had to take a leap of faith, as Mom had said. Not the religious kind of faith, but the faith in myself, faith in Winter, and the belief that he felt the same way about me as I did about him.
I opened the door, the bell chiming over my head announcing me as I walked in. Winter was sliding a bookonto the shelf at the far wall, and he turned to greet his customer.
But then he saw it was me. His whole face changed from a polite smile to a big grin and he hurried over. His cheeks were pink, his eyes wide. “Hi,” he said. “Here, let me take your coat. How was your day? I’ve been on cloud nine since I got your poem this morning, just so you know.” He hung my coat up on the rack in the storeroom. “Bram Stoker’sDraculais one of my all-time favorites, though I think that every time you send me a line. I think that one’s my favorite, and it is. Until I get the next one. I probably wouldn’t have thought Dracula to be romantic, but ‘you are one of the lights, the light of all lights.’ I mean I did have to google that one, not gonna lie. I was amazed I didn’t recognize it immediately, but I think that comes down to your ability to surprise me.” Then he stopped talking, let out a big sigh, and settled on a smile. “Sorry. I’m excited to see you, that’s all. I haven’t seen you since Sunday. That feels like a lifetime ago. How was your day today?”
His words made my insides run hot and tingly. “My day was fine. Much better now though. I wasn’t very useful again at work today. I was clock-watching, as my dad put it, which equates to time-wasting. I was excited to see you too.”
He grinned, his fingers flinching as if he wanted to touch me but was holding himself back. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
“I have a lot to tell you and some questions to ask,” I said, determined not to back out. “But perhaps we should get work done first because that’s what I’m here for. Is there stock and inventory that needs to be done?”
He laughed and waved his hand at the stockroom. “Always. Just got another delivery this afternoon.”
