Oh, crap.Love? Had I really just thought that?
I knew I’d let my feelings go past the friend zone for Slate, but I hadn’t known they’d made it all the way to love. This was worse than I’d thought. I’d completely lost control, and it was all my fault. Slate had always been forthcoming about how he’d never intended to be in a relationship. I knew where he stood when it came to commitment, but I’d let myself live in la-la land for too long.
I needed to get out of here. I already felt embarrassed that I had pretty much admitted I wanted to be with him, and there was no way I was going to cry in front of him about how stupid I’d been.
I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. “Then let me give Josh a chance to see if he is someone who can.”
His shoulders slumped. “Then I guess this is goodbye.”
“Wait, what?”
“Isla, if you really want to give this thing with Josh a chance, then we can’t remain friends,” he said, motioning between us.
As much as I didn’t want him to be right, I knew he was. I couldn’t stay friends with Slate, whom I now realized I was in love with, and also try to see if there was anything worth trying for with Josh. Add their dislike for one another, and it had disaster written all over it.
I looked down at my feet, at a loss. I hated the idea of not being friends with Slate any more, but maybe it was for the best. I needed to get over my feelings for him, and spending time together as friends wouldn’t help matters. Space was the right move here, no matter how much I didn’t like it.
“Well, uh,” I stammered, not being able to look him in the eye. “I guess I’ll see you around, then.” Wait, that was the opposite of saying goodbye. “I mean, thank you for everything. You were a great fake boyfriend and a great real friend.” I wanted to kick myself. I sounded ridiculous. I should have left a long time ago instead of staying and making a fool of myself.
I quickly walked past him and opened the front door. Stopping in the doorway, I looked back at him where he was still standing, looking at the spot I had been before, his profile giving away none of his emotions. “Goodbye, Slate.”
And with that, I closed the door behind me, the sound deafening in the quiet hallway.
My lip started to tremble, and I hurried to my apartment across the hall. I wasn’t sure if I had just made the smartest decision or the biggest mistake.
13
Slate
Ithrew my water bottle against the wall, the top popping off and water going everywhere. “Damn it!”
I walked over to the couch, sitting down and letting my head fall into my hands.
How had wanting to hang out with Isla turned into us breaking up?
I mean, fake breaking up, but whatever.
And for Josh?
My mind was spinning. How could she possibly want to get back with jackass Josh? After dating him for four years, I thought she’d know dating him for a second time wouldn’t be a good idea. But then again, it was all she had known. He was familiar, knew how to weasel his way back into her life, the easy choice.
He was the stupid choice, is what he was.
But she wanted a relationship, to love and be loved. I knew with every fiber of my being that Josh couldn’t give that to her. He wouldn’t love her how she deserved to be loved. He’d bulldoze her time and time again, just like he had the last time.
How did I know this? Call it a gut feeling.
Isla thought he could change, but Josh wasn’t that kind of guy. He thought he was perfect just the way he was. Sure, he would placate her and give her what she wanted for a little while, but eventually he’d be the same guy he had been before.
Lifting my head, I dragged my hands down my face.
I wanted to prevent this from happening, to protect Isla from getting hurt, but who was I to say anything? I didn’t know anything about being in a relationship. Pretending with Isla had been the closest I’d ever gotten to experiencing one.
And man, had it been one hell of a fake relationship.
My lips slowly spread into a smile as moments from the last few months filtered through my mind. Sitting in the back of my Jeep helping her with her zipper at the wedding, seeing her wearing my jersey and having her in the stands to watch me play, at the Wolf’s Den where we had our first kiss, the Halloween party, game night, telling her about my mom and about my past, crying while she held me in her arms, kissing her in my bed, missing her like crazy during the Thanksgiving break, trying to keep myself from texting her every five minutes. Even just now, opening the door to see her had me feeling like a piece of me had come back when I hadn’t even realized I didn’t feel whole without her.
She’d become a part of my life, and I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to go back to how my life had been before. Back to not talking with her, not seeing her smile at me, going back to being strangers.
