I shook my head in disbelief. “You don’t know that. People change all the time. Sometimes they just need something orsomeoneworth changing for.”
Once I had said the words, the reality of them hit me. I was talking about Slate. That maybe if he could feel about me how I felt for him, he wouldn’t want to parade around with a different woman every night, that he’d be happy to be in a committed relationship.
Feeling vulnerable, I hurried to move on, letting my arms fall down to my sides, working to push down my emotions. “Whether you agree with my decision about Josh, it still doesn’t change the fact that it’s time for us to break up.”
His jaw clenched. “So you can get back with Josh.”
I sighed. “It’s not like that.”
“Really? Because that’s what it seems like.”
“The plan was always to break up, and you know that. Nothing has changed about our agreement.”
“I know.” His voice was gruff. “I just never thought you’d be going back to Josh.”
I hadn’t either, but here we were.
He looked down at the ground like he was searching for something. “And there’s nothing I can do to change your mind?”
Not unless he wanted to tell me that he didn’t want to break up and that he wanted to date for real this time. And since that would never happen, the answer was simple.
“No.”
He nodded slowly, a somber look on his face.
The moment felt heavy, like everything had now changed, and not in the way I had thought it would with us going back to how we had been before we’d started fake-dating.
“We’re still going to be friends, right?” I asked, grasping for a sense of normalcy.
He gave a humorless laugh. “You think Josh is going to let you be friends with your ex-boyfriend? Especially with how much he hates me?”
He made a good point. Josh had no idea that everything between Slate and I had been fake.
I wasn’t sure how I’d work it all out, but I couldn’t lose Slate’s friendship. He meant too much to me.
“We’ll figure something out,” I assured him. “And just think, now you can finally go be with all those women you like spending your time with,” I said, hoping to change his mood. “You don’t have to be stuck pretending to be with me anymore.”
His gaze fastened on mine. “I never felt stuck with you. I enjoyed every second of it.” His sincerity had my heart pumping faster. “You know I like spending time with you.”
“Is that what has you so upset, then? You’re worried that if I’m with Josh, we can’t spend time together anymore?” I asked, wanting him to say yes but also to possibly say more.
“That’s part of it.”
“And the other part of it?” I asked, holding my breath.
He glanced around the room, a few beats of silence stretching out before he answered. “I don’t know.” He paused, and I eagerly waited to see if he would say anything more. “The thought of him getting to be with you, getting to hear your laugh, getting to touch you, it just seems wrong.”
My brows creased. “Why does it seem wrong?”
He walked back to where I was standing and gently took my hand, his clear blue eyes looking down at me. “You’re too kind, too funny, too considerate, too thoughtful, too beautiful to be with someone like him. When you were with him, he dampened your spirit. You should be with someone who embraces who you are, who complements you, who takes pride in being the guy who gets to be called yours.”
Did he not realize thathehad been that person for me the last few months? He embraced me for who I was. His personality complemented mine. And even if us being together had been fake, he’d always wanted to show off how we were together.
“And what if I’ve found that someone, but he doesn’t want to be with me?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
Letting go of my hand, he took a step back, shaking his head. “I wish I could be that guy for you, but I can’t. You know I can’t. You know better than anyone why I can’t be that someone.”
The genuine fear in his eyes helped to validate his words. I understood why he thought he couldn’t be with me, but I wanted to scream that his reasoning was faulty. Yes, I got that he was scared to let someone in, to let himself feel such strong emotions for someone. But was his fear so strong that he was willing to push away something that could be stronger than his fear? Maybe it was naïve of me to think he and I were one of a kind, but that was how I felt. It wasn’t every day you got to be in love with your best friend.
