"I know, and I'm so sorry I've hurt you. But I'd like to explain why I've done certain things. Not that it excuses anything, but just so you know the truth."
It was quiet for a few seconds before she spoke. "Okay, I'm listening."
I wasn't sure where to start, so I started from the beginning. "You already know that I'm the oldest of six kids."
Her head nodded in the dark.
"It's a big family," I continued. "I loved my childhood and have always liked having a lot of siblings, but it can come at a high financial price. My parents started poor, and then with each kid it put more of a strain on their finances. They've both worked two jobs my whole life, and they've never complained. I knew we didn't have a lot of money, but I never felt like I went without. My mom and dad are great at making the best of what we have and always make sure they meet all of our emotional and physical needs. I really do feel like I have the best family in the world."
Feeling a knot of emotion in my voice, I worked to push it down before continuing.
"Me going off to college was always the dream for my parents. Neither of them had the opportunity to go, and from a young age they'd talk to me about it and how important it was. Then when I started showing talent with football, the idea of getting a scholarship became a real option. I'd worked all through high school saving away for college, but I also worked hard on and off the field, knowing that a scholarship would change everything for me. My parents would be so proud and relieved that I'd be doing what they'd always dreamed for me, a life more free than theirs.
"And then I did it, I got a full ride scholarship to Waterford and our family dream had come true. When I got the letter in the mail, my mom screamed in joy, jumping up and down, yelling that I'd done it and that she knew I'd do it. We had a party that night to celebrate. She made me a cake, invited my friends over, and made us all watch video highlights she'd recorded of me during my years in high school. I tried telling her that they didn't want to sit there and watch old videos of me, but she told me to hush and that when I made it to the NFL, they'd be able to say they knew Rush Monroe."
I laughed at the memory.
"She sounds amazing," Scarlet said, and I could hear the smile in it.
"She is," I said softly, missing her.
"Anyway," I said, adjusting the pillow under my head. "Seeing my parents so happy and being happy myself that I'd done what I'd set out to do, I was going to do everything I had to to make the most out of what I'd been given. I was going to make sure my grades were good, give it my all at practice and at games, and nothing was going to be more important than achieving my dreams, to possibly give my parents things they couldn't for themselves. They can't each work two jobs forever. And then on top of that, I wanted to show my younger siblings that whatever they wanted to do or become, they could do it, because their older brother had."
"That's a lot of pressure to put on yourself," she said quietly.
"Maybe," I shrugged. "But I want to. I want to be the best athlete I can, to make my parents proud, and to give my siblings hope."
"That's all, huh?" she teased.
I chuckled. "I've been doing okay so far. I just hadn't expected a certain variable."
"A certain variable?" she asked, clearly annoyed that I'd referred to her in that way.
I hurried to explain. "I'm not supposed to say anything, but I can't keep it in anymore. I can't keep hurting you. And if our past is any indication, I can't seem to stay away from you no matter how hard I try."
She remained quiet. It was time to tell her about her stepdad and his team rule. I just hoped that this didn't backfire.
I took a breath. "My first day at football practice, Coach Matthews had us sitting in the conference room, a big projector screening onto the wall with the Waterford University logo on it. I couldn't believe I was sitting there with my new team, the possibilities limitless.
"First, he introduced himself and talked about his family... and then... he went to the next slide and a picture of the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen appeared on the wall. He proceeded to say that he knew his stepdaughter was beautiful, and that he also knew that football players were notorious for their 'sexcapades' and that there was no way in hell his stepdaughter would be involved in any of it. That if we even thought about doing anything with her, he'd find out, and we'd be benched, possibly not even picked up for the next year."
She gasped. "WHAT?" Her voice rang out and I was sure the rooms on either side of us heard her. "You can't be serious? He wouldn't really do that."
"I'm telling you the truth. He did it again at the beginning of this year too for the new guys on the team and to remind the rest of us about it."
"I can't believe this." She sat up, and I could see the outline of her curls in the shadows. "So that's why you act so hot and cold, and try to stay away from me?"
"Yes." I instantly felt relieved.
I see her head shake back and forth. "But... but I heard you," she said, still struggling to understand what I'd told her. "I overheard you talking to Brayden and Ryan in the hall after we'd kissed the night of the bonfire. You told them how it didn't mean anything, that it had been disappointing, that they weren't missing out on anything with me."
I sat up now too. "You heard that?"
When? How? I distinctly remembered making sure there was no one around because I hadn't wanted anything getting back to Coach.
"Yes," she exclaimed. "I was coming to see you. I was going to surprise you."
She had been going to come see me? My pride swelled at the thought. I'd had no idea.
