“You’re dating?”I wave my hand at the big furry guy in front of us.
“Oh, no.He’s my husband.I found him in the woods in Colorado.He escaped from one of those DUMBS, right?He was hurt and starving.They were very cruel to him, treated him like a slave.I helped him get away and then we fell in love.”She sighs.“Didn’t we, Sas?”
“Gggarow ong.”Bigfoot’s reply causes a pink flush to spread over Calypso’s cheeks.
“What’s a DUMB?”Why am I having this conversation right now?At my wedding?But the name sounds familiar.Like I should know it.
Rygar decides to interrupt.“Deep underground military base.The dark ones use creatures such as this to guard the entrances.”
Dark ones?Secret military bases?He can’t be serious.It’s like he’s taken a page from my dad’s UFO courses.
“Yes!”Calypso beams, clasping her hands while her wings flutter.“Exactly.We hid out in Central City for a while, but we couldn’t stay in Colorado.We needed to hide out somewhere he could blend in.”She grabs his arm and presses against him.“If you could leave us a good review, that would be very helpful.There aren’t that many jobs for him, okay?”
Riiiiight.He totally blends.The Bigfoot preacher that doesn’t speak English.“Can we just get married now?”
“Of course.”Calypso holds out the marriage certificate, already signed and official.Rygar takes the document, folds it and it disappears somewhere inside his suit as Sasquatch begins again.
What the hell?I don’t know any cosplay getup that can hide paperwork.
“Hroooongh grhmph hhhrrrrnnngggaaah mmrow gggnaawh.”
“He is asking if you want to get married, you know, of your own free will.”
I glance at Rygar.“How do we know if that’s really what he’s saying?What if he’s asking if we like ice cream or something and the marriage isn’t legal?”I’m not trying to be a pain, because Calypso and her...Bigfoot fellow seem perfectly nice.But still.I want this, and the way this man makes me feel, to be legal and binding.Not a joke.
B.I.L.L.: I have their language in my system, Commander.The hybrid’s female has translated correctly.
So now this voice in my head speaks Sasquatch?Or maybe I’m just losing my mind.
“Well?You have to answer or he gets mad.”Calypso’s hands are on her hips.
“I do.”I nudge Rygar in the side with my elbow.
“I do.”
Calypso’s wings flutter like she’s irritated.Rygar hasn’t taken his hand off the blaster button on his suit.Nope.No.They are not real wings.I refuse to even think it.An alien warrior is one thing.A silverish woman with wings who is married to a Sasquatch?No freaking way.
“Tohhg hoooghk?”
“Huh?”Is that a language?Or is she just making shit up?Because it sounds like growls mixed with phlegm in the back of his throat to me.
“He asked if you have the rings?”
“Oh, no.”I glance at Rygar and I know my shoulders are slumped.I fight back tears of disappointment.The mood swings today are going to ruin me.Why does every little thing affect me so much?It’s like I’m a two-year-old with no emotional filter.Why a silly ring should matter so much, I don’t know, but it does.At least to me.“We forgot about those.”
“I’ll take care of it.”He gives me an indulgent look, like he’s willing to do anything for me.“BILL?”
B.I.L.L.: Yes, sir, activating the program now.
I wonder what magic Rygar has up his sleeve when he closes his hand into a fist.A bright light emanates from between his closed fingers for several seconds, then disappears.Rygar holds out his hand and opens it to reveal two identical, gold bands in his palm.
“How did you do that?”What is this?Some kind of magic trick?Did he have them hidden somewhere in his spaceman costume?They’re beautiful rings.Despite being simple gold bands, they appear to be engraved with a pattern that makes them sparkle like glitter when the light hits them.
B.I.L.L.: The transmutation of matter is quite simple.You see--
“Later, BILL.”
Transmutation of matter?That sounds alien-ish and straight out of a sci-fi film.My doubt waivers.Maybe he is telling me the truth about where he’s from.
