And I don't know how to solve that problem without losing one of them.
15
ANGELICA
Istand at the counter in the kitchen helping Marta prepare a simple meal—roasted chicken with potatoes and vegetables.
There's bread warming in the oven, and the scent fills the space and makes it feel like home.
I'm not sure whether I enjoy that or not.
Dante is here with us for dinner most nights when he can, but this evening, he's invited a few of his closest men to join us too.
It's almost a little too much like we're a family now.
It makes me uneasy sometimes.
Sofia sits at the counter with her colored pencils spread across the surface.
She's drawing another picture for the refrigerator.
This one shows the Christmas tree with all of us standing around it.
She's drawn herself in the middle with Dante on one side and me on the other—a happy family.
That's how she thinks of Dante now.
It's been long enough that she's adjusted to this environment, and I've told him repeatedly how much I don't want that to happen. Yet here we are.
"It's beautiful,Piccola," I tell her, but inwardly, I'm cringing.
There are so many conflicting emotions inside my head right now.
Sofia deserves a family, a father and mother who are happy together and raising her in a loving environment.
And Dante really is so good with her, gentle and compassionate even if he is a bit awkward at it.
But there are just as many reasons this is a bad idea.
He could expose her to things her immature mind isn't ready for, and worse, what if he just doesn't come home one day?
"You like it, Mama? That's you and Papa." She grins a wide, toothy smile and I have to look away to hide my shock.
She usually calls him Dante.
It's the first time I've heard her call him Papa.
"So beautiful…" I repeat, but I have to clear my throat because I almost choke on the words.
Marta eyes me but continues to stir the vegetables and doesn't say a word.
The door to the kitchen opens and Dante walks in.
He's dressed casually in jeans and a dark sweater.
He looks relaxed and at ease, not tense and thankfully not showing any blood anywhere on his body.
It's something I've chastised him about a number of times and it appears he's getting the message.
