"Something smells good," he says, walking past Sofia on his way to the stove where we stand working.
Marta smiles at him. "Dinner will be ready in twenty minutes."
His direction changes and he walks to the counter and picks up one of the saffron buns left over from St. Lucia's Day.
He takes a bite and nods approvingly. "I'm so hungry, I can't wait. Hope this doesn't spoil my dinner."
"Now don't go ruining your appetite. Angelica has cooked a delicious meal for you," Marta says.
He turns to me with appreciation and respect on his face. "You have many talents." He looks impressed, though I'm not sure why.
I've cooked dinner for myself and Sofia every night for six years.
I'm not helpless.
I can't even make eye contact right now.
My heart feels like it will never be rid of this emotional struggle. "It was just a recipe Marta showed me."
"Don't be modest. It smells delicious." He moves to where Sofia is sitting and leans down to look at her drawing. She holds it up for him to see with a proud grin.
"Who's this?" he asks, pointing to the figures.
"That's you and me and Mama. We're all together for Christmas. See the tree?"
He studies the drawing for a long moment.
Then he reaches out and ruffles her hair gently. "It's a beautiful picture."
Sofia beams at him, and the way she looks at him makes my heart ache.
She adores him.
She trusts him completely.
And watching him interact with her in such a natural fatherly way makes me swoon despite my better judgment.
It's like my thinking mind goes out the window as soon as I'm reminded that he has a human side and that he's not a complete monster.
I hate myself for it.
I hate that I am softening toward him while starting to believe this could work.
I hate that part of me wants to stay here and build a life with him because I know it's not safe.
At any moment, something cataclysmic could happen to take it all away, and that's a sort of trauma I don't want Sofia to have to live through.
"It'll be done soon," I say, hoping to shoo him out of the kitchen and away from Sofia.
I can't bear to continue watching them bond when I've already made up my mind.
We cannot stay here, not a single day longer than is necessary.
He nods and leaves the kitchen.
Marta continues preparing dinner while I help Sofia clean up her drawing supplies.
We move to the dining room when everything is ready.
