“And then we have another fight.”
“It’s not about our fights. If you don’t trust me, then you should choose Ryatt.” I held my breath, waiting for her to tell me I’d lost her or to tell me she was as darkly obsessed as I was. I would share her before I lost her.
“I feel so guilty,” she whispered. “I can’t forget how it felt to think you fucked Jinx. And now I’ve slept with Ryatt. But then I wonder if you even cared that I was with someone else.”
“Of course, I fucking care, but it’s not the same. I would’ve fucked Jinx for the patch and a paycheck. What you have with Ryatt is different. I fucked up. There’s no one to blame but me that you met someone else.”
“I was angry the night you got your patch. At first, I didn’t believe you when you said you didn’t fuck Jinx. But then I used it as an excuse,” she confessed. “I used it to justify my feelings for Ryatt. I’ve been attracted to him for months.”
I gripped her hips. “You should’ve told me.”
“I didn’t know I’d feel like this.” She threaded her fingers into the hair at the back of my neck. “Don’t make me choose.”
“Could I?” I asked her. “Would you give him up if I asked you to?”
Her eyes slid closed. When she opened them again, her blueish-green eyes darkened with unshed tears. “Yes, but you’d break me. I’d have to let you both go.”
“Would you feel the same if he asked?”
“Yes.” She sank her teeth into her trembling lip. “My heart hurts. You’re right. Every time I’m with you, he’ll hurt. And you’ll grow to hate me, too. He’ll feel the way I do when I think of you with anyone else.”
I cupped her cheek and forced her to look at me. “There is no one else. Never again. It fucking guts me to know I’m the reason you cry. If anyone treated you the way I have, I’d fucking kick their ass. I get it. I’m all in. You’re so fucking deep inside me. But I see it when you’re with him. He’s gotten inside you. I know youdon’t want to let go of him either. He gives you something I can’t. He fits in with you and your family in a way I never will.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m telling you that I won’t make you choose. You’re all I need, but there’s room for Ryatt in our relationship. I can’t give you everything you deserve. I’m broken, baby, but all my pieces are yours.”
“I need you, too. You’re so messed up, but I’m here for it.” She crashed her lips against mine and kissed me filthy. Her tongue was in my mouth, tasting, controlling, claiming me as hers. Her fingers curled into my shirt. “Don’t let me go, Cruz. No matter what I say when we’re fighting, I need you.”
I fisted her hair, angled her head back, and slid my tongue along her neck. “This is what you need from me.”
“Always.”
She kissed me again, a temporary truce. Maybe we didn’t make sense to anyone else, but this was us.
“Your dad is right outside those doors. I don’t want to give him another reason to get his gun when he sees how I fuck his daughter.”
The first hint of a smile tilted her lips. She slid off my lap. “Don’t mention sex andmy dadin the same sentence.”
I rested a hand on her thigh. “You need to talk to Ryatt.”
“I will.” Her whispered words didn’t sound convincing.
“McKelle, you need to come clean to him.”
“I told him I still have feelings for you.”
“But then you fucked him. If he knows you, he knows that means something. I don’t know what itmeant for him, but he needs to know there’s no option that doesn’t include me in your life.”
“Last night just happened.” Her voice lowered. “We didn’t use anything.”
“Fuck.” I leaned my head back. Pressure built behind my eyes. Knowing she’d developed feelings for him hurt. Her giving him something we’d only shared once was a hard punch to the throat. I couldn’t swallow down the regret, and I couldn’t mask the bitter taste in my mouth.
Maybe I wasn’t as ready to share her as I thought.
“Are you mad?”
“No.” I bent forward and braced my forearms on my thighs. “Not mad.” But the consequences of what I’d done in the past were hard to accept. “Mistakes like that can’t happen.”
